I [45M] had an argument with my wife, [44F] Together for 19 years about my passiveness and lack of not being able to take the lead and make decisions or plans for us. How an a person learn to be less passive in life and their relationships and less "go with the flow?"

Edited Repost:
Im 45, she is 44 we have been together for 19 years married for 15.
We got into an argument after a short vacation we had gone on and I had not looked into anything to do in the destination. She had a list of things she wanted to do and I was fine with that, and didn't really have anything I wanted to in the area.
We came home and she was angry I hadn't planned anything I wanted to do. She got angry and said its because of my laidback passive attitude that life passes me by and that I don't even notice. She said she has tried to point it out before and that I missed it, or didn't listen. As we argued she said all of this is something I should be able to figure out if I want so passive about life and took a little while to think about things deeper. I have let things get to the boiling point it seems and need to deal with this before its too late.
How do I get past being passive and go with the flow? I thought these were good qualities to have in a partner.
TLDR; I got in an argument with my wife after a trip because I am passive and don't take action, how do I learn to be a more active in my life and relationship?


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