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My (F25) partner?s (M28) humor feels like bullying (by Sparky)

 Sparky (0)  (30 / M-F / Massachusetts)
25-Jun-25 7:30 am
My (F25) partner?s (M28) humor feels like bullying

We live together, are engaged and have been together for ~2 1/2 years. He jokes a lot, sometimes inappropriate/ crude jokes. That?s his personality.
However I feel sometimes it bleeds over to me. He always calls me btch, cnt, whre randomly. He throws it around in sentences (?Here?s the water, b***) even when I am simply minding my own business. I could be peeing and he would say ?f you b? or ?you?re such a b.? The tone he uses when saying those are very exaggerated and obviously joking. When I ask him why he does that he says it?s just a joke and I?m too immature to see it as one. His friend treats their wife that way too.
Another concern is he uses the n word. He is white and I?m Asian. He sometimes calls me the n word - and gives context to it too, saying because I?m darker than him or I?m a dark Asian I am n word.
He always says it?s jokes but at this point I just feel crushed. I?ve told him it bothers me and I don?t like it but he says I?m wrong for that because I should just take it as jokes and if I don?t know they?re jokes by now then we as a couple are doomed. He even says when I complain about the jokes he can?t stand me.
I could be having a nice day with him, being normal and he calls me a slur of words that I?m supposed to just shrug off. I sometimes wish I could match the energy just to see how he likes being treated the same (he probably won?t like it) but I can?t even do it- I?m just not the type to use harsh words randomly.
He is a good guy he does a lot for me. He wasn?t like this when we met. He was very sweet and kind. He cooks, cleans, he pays for everything. I feel like if I tell everyone our story they will say how much of a good partner he is, but there are moments like this where I feel small and alone. Am I supposed to just take them as jokes? Should I overlook those things that hurt me because he is a good person anyway?
TLDR: My partner?s (M28) humor is too mean and I?m (F25) apparently immature to not get it.


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