I (35F) stupidly ruined a good friendship while drunk and I don?t know if it can be salvaged.

I (35F) have been married for 7 years to a man (35M) I love with all my heart. We moved to a different country a few years ago and since the we have built a small but close expat friendship group. One of my closest friends (30F we will call her Sam) and I have bonded due to our very similar personalities and also supporting each other through periods of depression and other mental health issues.
About 2 and a half years ago I started noticing that my husband expressed an interest in Sam's comings and goings and whether she would be joining group gatherings etc. Way more than he ever has for any other friend. Offering to go pick her up or drop her off when she visited etc. Just nice small gestures, but things he wouldn't usually do. I also saw a shift in body language when he was around her. He looked at her... the way he used to look at me. Sam is beautiful, interesting, talented and does cool stuff like play video games and play drums. Obviously she's like a walking male fantasy. So that hurt, but I know attraction is a normal thing and it happens.
So when my husband again kept asking about her I confronted him about it. He weakly denied it. Then I told him to please stop lying to me and that I understand attraction is normal but that if you don't indulge it, it should pass. So he then stopped denying it. He never expressly admitted it.
Another friend of ours who I?ll call Pam (who I did not discuss this with) told Sam that she had a dream that Sam slept with my husband and that she (Pam) was so upset about it because it hurt me. (I know about the dream and this interaction because Sam told me). Now, it could be nothing, but knowing Pam, she communicates in very indirect ways and I think maybe she picked up on something and was warning Sam indirectly. But Sam has also told me that she doesn?t think Pam likes the way Sam acts towards her (Pam?s) husband because Sam is single, so maybe sharing the dream was related to that.
I made a point of spending time with Sam mostly alone. She hasn?t spent tons of time with my husband as a result. Occasionally we would spend time in a group, but I wasn?t too concerned, I assumed after our chat he was focusing on his marriage and letting this little crush pass. Then Christmas rolled around.
All our friends were coming to ours for lunch. She had been travelling the days prior, so when I mentioned she was coming he said "Sam's coming?" and his eyes lit up. I felt a pang. My stomach dropped a bit. But I let it go. On the day he was snapping at me for every small irritation. Sam would go stand outside and smoke and he would follow her outside to vape (he vapes inside generally). When he noticed that I was sad and withdrawing he finally started to be affectionate after snapping the whole day. But the damage was kind of done. I had been drinking excessively and was not thinking straight. Sam also noticed I was not okay.
My husband and I were cleaning up when everyone was gone and I was planning on going to bed because I knew I was drunk and upset and I didn't want to fight when I was in that state. I accidentally picked up his phone instead of mine (we have the same phone models and standard black cases) and I saw there was a text from her. I couldn't see what it said. I gave him his phone and walked away. I went to lie in bed and I was crying uncontrollably. She then texted me and asked me "how do you feel" and I said "about what?" she then said "just checking in" and I responded "meh." She said she knew something was up and could I please tell her. After a bit of back and forth I STUPIDLY I KNOW I KNOW told her the whole story. Immediately she said she wants to die and she never intended for anything to be misinterpreted etc etc and that she needs to remember she's not back home in her home country and she can't behave the same way here. And that I'm her closest friend and she doesn't want to lose that. She kind of made it 100% about her which was a bit jarring but I totally understand she was caught off guard. She then sent me screenshots of the text she sent. It was a thank you for hosting with a heart emoji. He responded "always a pleasure" with a little blush smile emoji. The text above it was a thank you for a happy birthday text he sent her. With two heart emojis. But that is how she texts with other people too so I don't think she meant anything by that. She also sent me a thank you text.
Anyway the next morning I wake up to a very long text from her where she said that she opened up to me and trusted me and felt welcome in my home. And why did I not tell her this earlier, why did I wait until she was feeling most vulnerable to tell her this. And that she can't see us getting past this. I was really taken aback because she's acting like I maliciously plotted to hurt her and accused her of hitting on my husband, and I didn?t. In fact I expressly and repeatedly said I am not angry with her and I don't think she did anything wrong. I know I put her in a horrible position by telling her. I know that. And I apologized profusely for that and I know that was wrong and selfish and horrible of me. But I honestly didn't do it maliciously. I was hurt and vulnerable and drunk and I stupidly cracked. I confronted my husband and he told me that he doesn't want to be with her. And that he is sorry for how he behaved. I told him he needs to decide whether he wants to explore other options, in which case he needs to leave, or whether he's going to focus on his marriage. He chose the latter. He keeps saying that while he thinks she?s attractive, he never had a crush on her and he doesn't know how to convince me of that. And that because she?s my closest friend and the biggest part of my emotional support network here (aside from him), he thought it was important to have a good relationship with Sam. And that he was just trying to be a good host by not letting her stand outside all alone. I don't know what to believe.
But regardless, now my friendship is ruined and I am an idiot. I just really didn't realize how hurt and angry she would be by me being honest. I guess I?m just looking for some insight, how would you approach this situation going forward?
TL DR: My husband has a crush on my friend. We were all together on Christmas and he was snapping at me all day while following her around. I drank too much. After everyone left I accidentally picked up his phone and saw that she had texted him. This was a gut punch to me. I was emotional. She asked me what was wrong. I stupidly told her (but made it clear I was not angry at her and didn?t think she did anything wrong). Now she is furious at me and no longer wants to be my friend.


Source.