UPDATE: Questioning my (31F) relationship with my husband (31M)

Link to previous post
I talked to my coworker and told him everything that was going on with me and my marriage and that I had to stop chatting and eating lunch with him. He was disappointed but said he?d respect whatever I decided. He also said that he was never intending to break up my marriage or cause me to leave my religion, that he just genuinely enjoyed talking to me and enjoyed my company. He also said if I ever needed anything, I could still come to him with no worries.
I also decided to talk to my husband. So I sat down with my husband at dinner two nights ago. We had just finished telling each other about our day. I told him that I had to tell him something he probably wasn?t going to like, but I?d appreciate if he didn?t get upset. He agreed to sit and just listen. So, I laid it all out for him, my co-worker and how I?ve bonded with him, my struggles with our faith and, then, with our marriage, my struggle to figure out who I am, everything.
To his credit he never once seemed mad at me. He almost seemed to laugh off my bringing up my coworker. He didn?t say so, but when he talked to me about it he (almost) condescendingly made it sound like a school-girl crush, and perhaps he?s right about that. He was, however, mostly concerned with my struggle with my faith. This upset him quite a bit. Not upset in anger, but upset that I might now be going to spend all of eternity in hell.
I suggested that perhaps I needed to see a therapist or that maybe we needed couples therapy. He was not receptive or amenable to either of those ideas. Again, his main concern was my soul. He suggested that we set up an emergency zoom meeting (and possibly regular meetings) with our pastor from back home. I really did not want to do that. I knew exactly what was going to happen. I knew I would be guilted into retracting everything I?d talked about with my husband, made to feel ashamed for having a lack of faith, and, if all else failed, potentially ?requested? to quit my job and possibly even move back home. My husband was insistent that we have this conversation with our pastor. I could tell he wasn?t going to agree to anything else unless I did, so I agreed.
My husband called him and within 20 minutes we were all in a zoom meeting together. It was awkward, and it was uncomfortable for me. It went exactly how I suspected it would. Since I?d already told my husband about my doubts and my feelings, there was no lying to our pastor; no way to wiggle around what I?d already admitted. He was? not understanding.
I don?t want to get into too many of the details of what he said, but my doubts, concerns, and feelings were not treated with legitimacy and I was made to feel embarrassed and ashamed for even entertaining them. It was awful. I saw the writing on the wall, and so I didn?t push back, I relented. I gave in and prayed and asked for forgiveness and it makes me feel gross to think and talk about.
I wish I had a better update than this, I really do. I?m now not sure at all with what I want to or what I should do.
Tl;dr Talked to my coworker and husband. Coworker is sad but understands, and the talk with my husband didn?t go well.


Source.