Things Only A Mom Can Teach

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION....
"Just wait until your father gets home!"

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING....
"You are going to get it when we get home!"

My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you ... Don't talk back to me!"

My Mother taught me LOGIC ...
"If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."

My Mother taught me MEDICINE....
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, you're going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD ...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

My Mother taught me about ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold."

My Mother taught me HUMOR ...
"When the lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never growup."

My Mother taught me about SEX...
"How do you think you got here?"

My Mother taught me about GENETICS....
"You're just like your father!"

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS....
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My Mother taught me about the WISDOM OF AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

And my all time favorite ... JUSTICE....
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you....then you'll see what it's like."

A blonde, a brunettes and a redhead all tried out for the same job painting road stripes.

The boss told them they would all work for three days and whoever painted the most would get the job.

At the end of the first day the redhead had painted 3 miles, the brunette had painted 2.5 miles and the blonde had painted 10 miles.

The boss was so exited he told her to keep it up and the job was hers.

The next day the redhead painted 5 miles, the brunette 5.6 miles and the blonde 4 miles.

The boss told her not to worry, "You still have a good lead.

So, on the third day the redhead had painted 6 miles, the brunette 5 miles and the blonde only one mile.

The boss was so disappointed, he asked the blonde, "What went wrong, you were doing so good."

She said, "Well, that bucket of paint keeps getting further and further away."

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display.

"Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"The gentleman was your doctor."

It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked.

"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.

"That's no offense," replied the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

A policeman brought four boys before a judge.
"They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo, your Honor," he said.
"Boys," said the judge sternly, "I never like to hear reports of juvenile delinquency.
Now I want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing wrong."
"My name is George," said the first boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."
"My name is Pete," said the second boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."
"My name is Mike," said the third boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."
"My name is Peanuts," said the fourth boy.

Thank you for all the great jokes mrb!

no problem. google tis mah friend. lol

This always gives me good giggles!