My (44F) ex husband (46M) committed suicide, leaving a message that he was ashamed of his son and felt that he had nothing left in the world to offer. My son (23M) blames me for the suicide, and hasn't spoken to me for months. He knows there was a message, and thinks it blames me for the suicide.

I divorced my husband 2 years ago, and he committed suicide in January of 2020. We were fighting constantly, our son was out of the house and we just absolutely couldn't stand each other. He became increasingly verbally abusive and lazy and awful to me. I knew he was depressed, but his way of depression was taking it out on other people. He was constantly talking about how he felt our son was worthless and a loser, and how horrible it was that the only child he had put into this world was a drain on society. I hated it when he spoke like that. Our son has had many issues, with drugs, obesity, laziness, but he is also only 23, and he has plenty of time to get his life together. He has many chronic health issues, psoriasis, knee issues, migraines, and I think these things add up on him and make everything more difficult for him. While his father secretly did not like him, he was very friendly with his son, and never really expressed this stuff to him. He always tried to get him to be better, but he doesn't express that kind of despair and disappointment to him. My husband also had... a very strange worldview. I think in some ways he saw himself as a philosopher.
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When me and my husband got divorced, my son took his side. He was the depressed one, and my son was always sympathetic to him largely, and he viewed me as bad for divorcing him while he was in such a bad state. Me and my son had a rough patch around that time, but had mostly gotten over it. I had tried for years to get my husband help while we were married, and he refused. I figured there was not going to be much of a change now that we were divorced.
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Then, my husband committed suicide. He sent me and his sister an email which was effectively his suicide note. It was extraordinarily long, almost like a manifesto. A lot of it was reiterating things he had already told me about how he felt that his life was worthless because he felt his son was weak and worthless and that his son was supposed to be the only good thing he had in his life. He said he hated that he felt that way, but he couldn't help himself. He felt like he had a broken personality and that he wished he could think of things normally but that he couldn't. He said that he is glad I left him, because I was 'better' than him in every way and he didn't deserve me (meanwhile he had a much better job... again, he was delusional). There was a lot of stuff about how he despaired about the direction society was headed towards and all this other stuff. But the important aspect is how much he seemingly blamed our son.
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Right away, my son blamed me for this. He didn't know the truth, he never really did, and he blamed me for divorcing him and causing his suicide. Then, at the funeral, he said that my husbands sister had mentioned an email which was 'horrible, and blamed people for his suicide, and that nobody should read it'. He right away assumed it was me he was blaming. He absolutely freaked out at me. I have genuinely never seem him so completely distraught. I was unable to tell him what the email truly said, that it blamed him, so I just ended up being silent, which ended up making him think it was blaming me. That night he left and since then I have spoken to him twice, both times were him saying he doesn't want to speak to me. Now I have a real opportunity to speak with him, we are both going to be at my dads wedding. I dont know what to say to him.
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what am I supposed to do? I dont want to tell him the truth, but I cant continue telling him "its not that, that isnt why" when I have nothing else to offer. He thinks I am lying.
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TL;DR - - ex husband committed suicide, leaving behind a note which largely blamed how much he was disappointed in his son. My son blamed me for divorcing him, and hasnt spoken to me since. I am not sure what to do.


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