This Should've Been A Funny Drunk Halloween Story

So far, my senior year at Dougherty High was both unexciting and uninspired. Two months in and I was still single. No friends for homecoming, nevermind a real date for that matter. I was still a rebel without a cause. High School Hell the latest ****ty chapter in my young life.
My only friend really was my brother Danny. He was fifteen, younger and less smarter than me. Not to mention shorter and skinnier. But I always looked after him? Some would say my protective nature was the product of growing up in a single parent household. But for me, it was just love.
Of course, mom did what she could. Being a teacher meant long hours for half-ass pay, but hey, we lived in a nice slice of suburbia here in Albany, Georgia. Certainly in an area much safer than the rest of this troubled city. The houses aligned next to each other, no fences or huge yards between us. The homes conforming to the same bland brick structure..
Sadly, there weren?t many kids our age out here. Nevermind, a hot guy? Our next door neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Caldwell, a younger couple with no kids. They were polite and pretty, each of them with dark hair and piercing green eyes. I gotta say Mr. Cadwell?s nice physique didn?t go unnoticed by me during his daily jogs... but still, **** was pretty boring. Danny and I could only hope Halloween would be better.
At our age, we had no plans for trick ?r treating. Obviously, no invites to any parties. Instead, Danny and I just rode around Albany, my Halloween playlist our companion.
From five to midnight, we cruised the streets. From MJ?s ?Thriller? to Travis?s ?Sicko Mode?. There was green and celebration... This high, all the Halloween hi-jinks were a blast! And with mom out-of-town, there was no curfew. None she had to know about at least.
Technically, we reached November one, but Halloween was still everywhere, man. The atmosphere all around us. Not to mention we had a Michael Myers marathon to catch back at the house? one aided by leftover pot and those bottles of red mom kept hidden in the cabinets.
The only issue was I got hungry. This girl had to eat and the munchies weren?t helping.
I pulled into the driveway. Pushed the long bangs away from my glasses as I faced Danny. ?Well. Happy Halloween, kiddo.?
?Hell yeah,? Danny chuckled.
Outside, a cold wind swept through my Nirvana tee and slight stomach. Next to me, I saw my stoned brother shivering, his good looks and dimples disrupted by the October chills.
?****, Candace, it?s cold!? he said.
?It?s Halloween, *******,? I teased. For the twentieth time tonight, my stomach growled. ?God, I?m so hungry??
Together, we stumbled up to the front door, our sloppy footsteps aligned and in sync.
The security lights seemed dimmer than usual. For once, the garage door was closed... But that didn?t stop us.
I grabbed the doorknob. A shock hit me not from a scare but surprise that this bad boy was left unlocked!
?****,? I said. Turning, I got greeted by Danny?s beaming eyes. His excited expression.
?What!?? he smirked.
I chuckled. ?I told your ass to lock it.?
?I did! I know I did!?
Shaking my head, I pushed the door open slowly, keeping the creaking to a minimum. ?Obviously not.?
?Maybe mom?s home.? Danny?s paranoid gaze drifted over to the garage.
He actually had a point, I realized. Mom did say she might get back late Halloween night. So much for escaping that curfew? ?I think you?re right.? I held the door open and saw a long, dark entryway awaiting us? I faced Danny. ?So just be quiet alright.?
?Okay,? said Danny?s defensive tone.
Like an angry teacher, I leaned in closer, my whisper bursting at the seams. ?I mean it!?
We stepped inside, escaping the night to enter an even darker abyss. The floor felt unfamiliar but we traveled onward, too drunk and stoned to turn back now... but seeing all the picture frames in the shadows reassured me. Mom always cherished those memories after all. Once we stumbled past the living room and our large flatscreen, I knew we were safe and sound. The kitchen was only a few feet away.
Excited, I rushed ahead of Danny and hit the lights. Through the blurred buzz, I somehow made out the towering fridge and towering pantry door. Our journey was over. For now anyway.
?What are we gonna make?? Danny asked.
Don?t ask me why but I always craved breakfast food at one A.M. Sausage specifically. So after a quick sloppy search in which we careened through the cabinets, dived through the freezer and closet, we finally had our materials.
I got to work with Danny by my side. His own Halloween playlist at a comfortable volume. These first few minutes were fun. Joyful.
The midnight breakfast started cooking. Simmering?
Savoring the holiday spirit, I smiled at Danny. ?Which one you wanna watch first??
He smirked and leaned against the table. I noticed a few plates at his fingertips? mom must?ve had the same idea we did. ?Let me guess, you?re gonna make us watch the old Halloween? That eighties one.?
?Nineteen seventy-eight,? I teased. I turned my attention back to the food. ?But we can watch the new one if-?
A brutal thud erupted! Not the sound of a fallen flowerpot or clumsy collapse. I?m talking a heavy drop! The thunderous thud coming straight from a hallway in the corner. The one leading to our bedrooms?
Danny and I stood still, scared ****less.
But there was nothing else. No words, no movement. Just the hypnotic riff from The Animals? ?House Of The Rising Sun?... A shiver ran up and down my spine there in the cold. Call it sisterly instinct but I knew Danny wasn?t in much better shape...
?What the Hell was that!? Danny whispered. Snapping out of his fright, he killed the music.
?I don?t know?? With cautious steps, I approached the hallway-
Until Danny snatched my shoulder! ?Candace, what the Hell are you doing!?
I hesitated. He had a point after all. In a sudden epiphany, I now empathized with all those horror movie victims we made fun of. The power of booze and recreational drugs definitely damaged their decision making. Including mine? But what about mom!? ?Mom might?ve fell,? I said to him.
Now it was Danny?s turn to give pause?
I grabbed a hold of his hand. ?C?mon, let?s go look.? I forced a smile. ?Paranoidass.?
?So are you!? he said.
We staggered out of the kitchen. Back into the blackness. Stifling silence surrounded us. Upon entering the hall, we stopped. A breather we both needed.
Through the tension, my heart pounded. Just think of mom. It?s just her.
?Mom!? I heard Danny shout.
Goddammit, Danny? I flashed him a quick glare, one he couldn?t see in the darkness.
?Mom, is that you!? Danny continued.
Then we heard a frenetic SLAM! A narrow ray of light fell out, spreading across our terrified faces.
The last door on the right was wide open.
Danny clenched tighter to my hand. ?That?s her, right??
Fighting the fear, I looked around the hall but the light wasn?t enough. All I could see was mom?s museum of photographs. All the outlines, that is? There?s no reason to be scared, I reminded myself. You?re home.
?C?mon,? I reassured him.
I led the charge. Getting closer and closer to the back. To our mother?s bedroom.
The room was a furnace. Stuffy, cluttered. More uncomfortable than the dread I still felt?
Only a single bedside lamp was on, several magazines piled up beside it. Probably mom?s Peoples I figured. The closet door in the back completely closed.
Before Danny could say anything, I pulled him further within. Past the tall dresser, the heavy clumps of what appeared to be mama?s clothes littering the floor like visible landmines.
Up ahead, I saw the sheets pulled up tight. At least she hadn?t fallen off the bed.
?Mom,? I finally said.
Danny and I came to a stop. Then I heard Danny scream!
I wanted to match him but the fear kept a stranglehold on me, crushing my soul and voice, holding me hostage to this horror.
In bed wasn?t mom but a couple: a college-age man and woman I?d never seen before, both of them nude and beautiful. Neither of them able to finish their degrees now? Not when the man?s throat was slit ear-to-ear in one jagged line, so much blood coating his smooth brown skin. The lady in no better shape, her corpse covered in deep cuts and punctures from an array of knives. Her disembodied blue eyes placed closer to her breasts for a sickening display of humor.
?What the ****?? I struggled to say.
The room felt more humid. Danny and I both feeling more fear.
But I couldn?t turn away. My gaze strayed to the end of the sheets. There was blood soaking all through the fabric? but at the base of the bed was another large bump hidden beneath a blanket. Undoubtedly, another body.
The closet door burst open!
Danny and I looked straight toward the back. The lamp a dim spotlight for a tall man standing there, breathing heavy, a butcher knife held in his gloved hand! There were black robes over his body, a rubber alien mask over his face? the yellow mask highlighted by big bug eyes.
I couldn?t see much more but this was enough to disturb us... Enough to send us out running the other way!
We hit the hallway. Slipping and stumbling around, our Halloweenheads too full of booze and green?
Behind us, fast footsteps blared through the dead silence! The man was coming after us
The sisterly concern turning into a motherly panic, I wrapped an arm around Danny, pulling him closer. ?Run!?
A sliding screech trailed us! The sound of a blade tracing along our walls? Its violent wails so unsettling...
?****!? I cried.
We were halfway home. Almost to the kitchen when the overhead lights cut on!
Stage fright joined our terror. Immediately, Danny and I froze.
Bright lights illuminated the framed photos. None of them were ours. No sign of me. No Danny. No mom. Instead, they documented an attractive young couple and their beautiful marriage: the Caldwells.
Their wedding photo stared back at me. Their smiles so beautiful? But where the Hell were they now?
?We went to the wrong house!? Danny said.
I?d laugh if the scares weren?t real. What could?ve been a fun drunk story had turned into a nightmare.
Once I looked toward the kitchen, another figure greeted me. Frankenstein?s Monster himself! Or herself... The boobs gave it away. Like the alien, she too wore black robes and held a butcher knife? only hers was dripping fresh red blood.
Unable to hide the shivers, I did my best to play it cool. Especially in front of my little brother. ?Who are you!? I hurled at the woman.
Moving with methodical slowness, she reached up and raised her mask? just enough for a face reveal.
Behind me, I heard the man?s manic chuckles. I recognized them without even turning around.
There stood Mrs. Caldwell in front of us. Her husband the alien. Both of them stone cold killers. Straight-up ****ing psychos.
With Danny trembling, I couldn?t show fear. I forced myself to stay poised. Stand tall. Maybe I had liquid courage at this point. Or something else? An inner fire. That buzz too strong to go away...
?Looks like y?all broke into the wrong house,? Mrs. Caldwell teased behind a green-eyed glare.
?Indeed,? her husband added.
Yelling, I pulled Danny and charged forward!
The sudden move startled the couple! Mr. Caldwell cried out. Mrs. Caldwell no chance at swinging that knife as I pushed her out of the way!
?Get that bitch!? she screamed.
We ran into the kitchen. The lighting brighter than ever! Fresh oven flames highlighted our horror. Smoke hit us but not the kind we wanted?
?Goddammit!? I coughed.
?Go!? Danny yelled.
As we started to go through the sausage fog, a hand reached out and snagged my shoulder! A killer?s touch.
?I got you, you little bitch!? Mrs. Caldwell said, her voice muffled behind the mask.
She held me in place. I couldn?t move. Couldn?t escape...
?Come on, Candace!? Danny cried.
?I?m trying!? I said.
Now I heard the husband storm into the kitchen. Felt Mrs. Caldwell pull me in closer?
A shrill siren rang out! The sound blaring over and over in a nauseous rhythm. A roar stolen from the world?s most soulless prison.
The noise destroyed my ears. But at least it had the same effect on everyone else.
Yelling, Mrs. Caldwell let go and fell back against the counter. I heard the husband?s startled scream even over that damn smoke alarm! A state-of-the-art one at that. The gizmo only going unnoticed all along due to Danny and I?s stoned stupor...
?Let?s go!? Danny yelled.
I grabbed his arm and led the way once again, straight out of our neighbor?s house.
Along the way, I didn?t hear the killers closing in on us. The one good thing about that ****ing alarm was it drowned everything out.
Finally, I threw the front door open and we ran out into the November cold. Danny and I?s exit from this suburban Uncanny Valley complete? Seemingly.
?Hold it right there!? barked a voice by our car.
A flashlight froze us, a chubby cop holding it. His police car had us blocked in.
Apparently, he?d responded to the alarm. The fire truck was well on its way till the Caldwells arrived? still in costume but their masks raised. ?Innocent? enough on this holiday...
Danny and I jumped back? but there wasn?t much else we could do when the cop car was right there. When we were literally held at gunpoint.
?Wait, it?s all a misunderstanding,? Mrs. Caldwell smooth-talked the cop. She shrugged. No longer holding that knife? ?The fire?s out now.?
At her command, the officer raised a walkie-talkie. ?No fire truck needed! We?re clear.?
?Listen, they?re murderers!? I told the officer. I pointed at the house. ?There?s bodies inside!?
?Yeah, they killed them!? my brother chimed in.
The cop?s glower fixated on us. ?And who are you two exactly??
We hesitated. Danny too scared to speak? and me, well, what was I gonna say? ?We live next door,? I started.
?So what you two been doing, huh?? the cop further prodded. He leaned in closer, all too familiar with what I?m sure we smelled like? ?Y?all been smoking a little??
?It?s okay, officer,? Mrs. Caldwell said.
Immediately, the cop turned his attention toward the couple. ?Ma?am, did they give y?all any problems??
Mrs. Caldwell gave us a dismissive wave. ?They just broke in, that?s all-?
?Broke in!??
?It?s nothing serious.? Her grin stared me down.
?None at all,? Mr. Caldwell said.
They had us. I knew that much. And given their sly smiles, they were happy about it. Relieved to have a cop on their side.
Next to me, Danny just took my lead. He knew the drill at this point?
?Do y?all wish to press any charges, ma?am?? the cop asked Mrs. Caldwell, that cold-blooded serial killer bitch.
She kept looking right at me. ?Not at all.? She gave me a cryptic wink. One final Halloween scare.
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