How To Survive The Afterlife

No, they do not allow cell phones in the afterlife. In fact, what I am doing right now is extremely ?illegal?.
But I figured, I?ve had my share of fun here, why not gift you all with my knowledge?
Besides, you?ll be thanking me when you inevitably end up here, and don?t die instantly.
Sound confusing? Great. Let?s start from the beginning.
Rule #1: Always know your bearings. If you don?t know where you are, it makes it way easier for them to find you.
This first rule was one told to me by a dear friend, a rule that I wasn?t aware of when I first woke up in a one bedroom apartment. In fact, I wasn?t very aware of anything for a while, until I started to remember.
I woke with a startle, as I choked on my own drool. It only took me seconds after I sat up before memories started flushing through my head.
I was forced to recount all my wrongdoings, every little thing I had done wrong in my life, leading up to those final moments.
The fight. The car crash. Emily.
I felt a sense of dread run down my spine as I struggled to grasp what was fully happening at the moment. With a jolt, I jumped out of bed and quickly realized that I was naked.
I needed to make sure Emily was okay, but a man also needed to have some dignity. I quickly scrambled around the bedroom to see if I could find any spare clothes lying around. Surprisingly, I almost instinctively reached for a closet handle to the left of me. At the time, I found it weird that I seemed to subconsciously know the place, but later I learned that you always woke up in your place of birth, so this crappy had been where I was conceived. Thanks, mom.
Many people told me they thought that that was very poetic and symbolic, but I believe it?s just one of the many ways the universe ****s with you after death. It?s an artifact from a past life, one you?ll never get to go back to.
But anyways, I got dressed and walked outside my apartment, looking for any signs of people so I could understand what was happening.
I quickly spotted the stairs and decided my best bet would be to try and sprint down the stairs.
Kids, if you haven?t tried sprinting down a set of stairs, I wouldn?t recommend the experience. Just imagine your favorite cartoon character, and the gag of where they fall down the comically long set of stairs, hitting each step with a bonk! Except there was no bonk, no background noise at all, just the muffled shouts of your lovable character as they hit every step with pain, barely able to get up in the end, noticeable blood on their face as they stares at the camera in their pain.
Yeah, I?ve been advised never to have children.
But anyways, you get my metaphor, I tumbled down the stairs with no bonk, and ended up with a bloody nose.
At the moment that didn?t bother me, though, and I quickly found my way to the front exit, while proceeding to stumble my way out.
As soon as I left the building, I got a very strange vibe from the area.
It looked like a cliche New York/Las Vegas city, full of many different and unique buildings, all stuck next to each other on busy intersections.
Except there was nothing busy about these intersections. In fact, there wasn?t a single person in sight, I appeared to be the only one in the city
I started my walk down the road, and noticed that most of the buildings in this city were vacant, and the ones that weren?t seemed like they had been abandoned abruptly.
I couldn?t tell you how long I walked down that seemingly never ending city, as I past by building after building, vacant or abandoned. I was starting to really wish I had tended to my broken nose before I left the apartment building, as I was leaving a trail of blood, and my nose was pounding profusely. I tried entering some of the empty buildings to treat my wound, but it seemed every door was locked.
I was pretty shaken up from the situation, and I swear I could see things out of the corner of my eye, but I kept on walking, with blind hope that I would find Emily.
After what seemed like forever, I finally saw a building with people in it, a building with the word, ?HELP? in bold letters above the entrance. Everything inside and outside the building was completely white, and it gave off a dreamy, futuristic feeing.
I entered the building and recognized the people to be standing in line, waiting for someone at the front desk. I decided to try and cut to the front, so I could explain to the desk lady what was happening.
Wait, what was happening? I felt surreal in that moment, but decided to shake it off, promising myself that I?d get to the bottom of this, if only to find Emily.
The guy in the back of the line immediately noticed me trying to cut, and spoke up.
?What d?you think you?re doing?,? he questioned.
?I...I? I tried stuttering out
?You nothing my friend, now get to the back of the line and wait like the rest of us?
?I need help... right now,? I finally replied, pointing to my broken nose.
Before he could reply, I started hearing a loud bang on the glass door behind me. I turned around to see men in completely white tuxedos banging loudly on the door, trying to get our attention.
?What are those people doing?? I asked
?Those ?people? are monsters? the man spat, without even looking back
I thought it was awfully rude to refer to people like that, especially when the man hadn?t even seen who they were.
?What did they do to become monsters?? I asked politely.
?They didn?t ?become? monsters, cadet. Have you even listened to training? These things are meant to kill you, designed to kill you, and they have evolved overtime.? He explained.
As he talked, I looked ahead of the line, and noticed that the people would talk to the lady behind the front desk for a minute or two, and then walk behind one of two doors.
?I?m sorry, ?Cadet??, I don?t know what you?re getting at here, but I don?t like how you speak to others, more rather, how you REFER to others. Now could you please explain what is going on here.?
I used to be a very calm and thoughtful person. USED to be.
We moved moved up in the line as he spoke again.
?Buddy, you and me both know what?s going on here, and it ain?t pretty?, he chuckled, ?Those monsters out there ain?t getting inside as long as we ignore them.?
By the time I spoke, we were almost at the front of the line.
?You can?t just call these guys monsters because of what you assume they are. I don?t care what you think, those are people too?
The man seemed infuriated now. ?For the last time, I-?
He thought for a second, turned to face the door with the people still banging, and I could see realization and shock appear in his eyes.
?A mimic, this close to base?? He mumbled to himself, ?that doesn?t make any sense, unless-?
Even though he was next in line, the man stopped dead in his tracks.
It was around the time that I noticed the clothes he was wearing. A white tuxedo, just the same as the men outside.
Strangely, I was just then realizing that something was off. Before that my conscious had put me in a dream like state, where I accepted what happened around me to be true, but I kinda just let things happen that shouldn?t without questioning them.
Correlating that man to the people outside was what made reality slap me in the face, and I remembered to ask the question any sane person would need to know right then.
?Mister, what the hell is going?!??
The man ignored me, and as the lady up front called his name, he spoke to me quietly and calmly.
?Listen to me closely boy, do you know what APA stands for??
I could feel myself registering the situation more and more in my brain, and as it rendered more for me, I began to shout.
?I DON?T EVEN KNOW WHERE I ****ING AM!?
A look of shock appeared on the mans face, and without skipping a beat, he pulled out a gun from his jacket, turned to the lady at the counter, and shot her in the chest.
It was my turn to be in shock, as I tried to process what had just happened. Before I got a chance to do that, though, I noticed something rising from where the lady had been shot.
Whatever rose up from that desk, was not a lady.
I could go into gruesome details that would make you throw up, as I almost did just looking at the creature. It looked about 10 feet tall, with a slim build to rival slenderman himself. It?s torso seemed incomprehensible, with the number of arms and legs always changing. The limbs were always long and thin, like a shadowy mist that would crawl towards you if you stared for too long. It?s face was the worst part. It had eyes that were just like yours or mine, except for the fact that they were completely black. I felt as if I was staring into an eternal darkness as I glimpsed into its eyes for a single second. The one feature I will never forget will be it?s mouth. This type of mouth is common on monsters, but the mouth in this creature left the biggest impact on me. It?s mouth was a simple slit, but somehow stretched into an inhumane smile, as it sensed it?s next prey.
This wasn?t a punchable-face, ****-eating grin type of smile either. This was the smile you would see on a madman, ear to ear, as if it could tell you, I will do everything in my power to murder you in the most gruesome way possible. The type of smile you knew you were dead if you saw.
And in that moment, when I was staring at that creature, I felt dead.
Every part of me wanted to cry out in fear, to scream at the top of my lungs, but my body simply would not move, and I was stuck staring at this creature. I was transfixed with horror, as they would say, as I looked upon a what would surely be a swift death.
Luckily, I was not stuck in horror for that long, as my fight or flight instincts kicked in after a couple seconds.
As you can guess, I chose flight.
As I tried running to the exit, I could see the men in white suits, now frantically trying to bash the door open, and I was almost free.
Suddenly, the door was blocked by another one of the creatures, and as I turned around, I noticed my helpless situation.
I was cornered on all sides by these creatures, and they slowly advanced on me, I decided to curl up in a ball, and have my life end on a low note.
I suddenly remembered the guy from before, and as I turned to look at him, I noticed that he was holding something up to these creatures, and they seemed to be... afraid of it?
This next part was a little hazy, because I?m pretty sure I was falling in and out of consciousness the whole time.
I guess the man had remembered I was there at the same time I remembered he was, because he started running towards me, holding the object up like a lantern, which drew the creatures away.
I could feel the creatures placing thoughts into my head. They were dark, violent thoughts, thoughts that no human should ever have.
Before those thoughts consumed me, though the man had reached where I lay, and, while holding me and the object with incredible strength, bolted out the door. Barely making it to safety as the creatures appeared trapped inside of the building.
By the time I had come too I was sprawled out on the ground, feeling like the worst kind of ****.
I could barely make out the group of men having a hushed conversation right next to where I laid.
?Goddammit Frank! The signs were staring you in the face, we even tried stopping you, but you ignored us?
?You know our protocol, do not engage with monsters unless absolutely necessary.?, Frank said, ?I swear, they?re getting smarter by the day.?
?That?s not important right now?, another voice butted in, ?the new arrival, is he agent material??
I could only assume they were talking about me, as I was apparently new and had arrived at.. wherever I was?
?Hell no, I wouldn?t trust that twerp with a water pistol, we just gotta send him back on to where he should have gone.? Frank said
I?ll admit, I was a little taken aback by this. Sure, I had shown immeasurable amounts of cowardice inside of that building, but was I really that bad?
?Alright then, you get the man straightened away, then we?re gonna a long talk about your track record.?
?You got it, boss?
After the other men had wakes away, the man I assumed to be Frank walked over to me and picked me up, straightening my body so that I would stand up on my own.
Immediately questions started spewing out of my mouth. How did I get here? What was going on? Would I ever see my family again?
?Relax, relax, I?m not the guy who explains this to you, you?ll understand much better once we send you their way.?
?But-?
?No buts. You?re already lucky enough to survive your first monster encounter, now stay safe, and have a good trip.?
I still had so many questions, but the man clarified something to me before I got the chance to ask.
?Oh yeah, and a little beginner?s tip,? he shifted his glance left and right before telling me, ?Always know your bearings. If you don?t know where you are, it makes it way easier for them to find you.?
And with that, the man pulled out a bright red syringe, and before I had time to react, plunged it into my arm, until I fainted onto the ground.
That was my first encounter with the APA, and the horrific creatures from the afterlife. I will continue to update if I choose to, but for now, I gotta be on the move, they watch me.


Source.