I (34M) feel like a fundamentalist Christian upbringing really ruined my feelings on sexuality for my wife (33F) and myself. What can I do at this point to really solve the related problems?

When I was growing up, my parents were ultra-conservative. I was expected to be at church anytime the doors were opened. My mom and dad essentially forbid me to have a girlfriend in my teen years, and would insist on supervising anytime I was with a girl outside of a group setting.
My parents would eventually divorce some years later, basically because their strict beliefs imploded their own marriage and they both ended up straying from that sort of fundamentalism. I still uphold a few of their Christian beliefs, but have walked away from much of it because I became appalled with the bigotry associated with much of it.
My eventual-wife and I met right when I graduated high school, I?m really so thankful that we synced so well. We?ve had a great marriage and so many adventures ever since, we?ve been married over a decade at this point and things are great.
There?s always been one issue that?s been lingering through. It took at least a year or two for my wife and I to understand ourselves sexually. She?d had a similar upbringing, we were just taught to believe that any kind of sex outside of marriage or even for any reason other than for procreation was just evil. That really messed with us, even for a long while after we?d figured ourselves out.
Now in my mid thirties, I still feel like I haven?t really figured myself out. I?m upset that there?s so much that I missed out on when I was younger. My parents rushed me into marriage which I wasn?t opposed to at the time because I loved my wife, but I feel kind of cheated that I didn?t get to experience more like many of my friends and others had. I love my wife dearly, but I feel so much guilt sometimes because my mind strays in those areas. Even sex with her can still be awkward sometimes, it?s as if it?s some sort of ceremonial thing. It?s hard to explain, but I?ve never quite felt what I feel like I should be emotionally or physically.
Anyways, I know that?s a lot. I can?t quite figure it out myself, much less really be that eloquent about it. I?d really love to hear any thoughts or advice and would appreciate it tremendously.

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tl;dr: My wife and I both were brought up in ultra-conservative and fundamentalist families where sex was basically taught to us as something to be ashamed of. It?s really messed us up and we?re both resentful of it. How can we get around this problem?


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