[UPDATE] I [25f] asked my SO [25m] what I thought was a reasonable question. He thinks it was loaded and unfair.

This is in response to this post, which received an overwhelming and surprising response.
After the events of the post, I sent my boyfriend an email (after we spoke on the phone and I voiced all my concerns), essentially saying that I loved him but we had different needs. He wrote me a long email back, which was very surprising to me since he doesn't like to show emotion in any way. He said he feels as if he's become a shell of a person and that he would really like to work on things. I agreed to try, vowing to myself that something major had to change.
During all this, I bought 'Attached' by Amir Levine (after a few commenters suggested it). It completely changed my outlook. I identified so strongly with the anxious attachment style and I really felt my boyfriend was avoidant. A lot of our problems made sense. I started to work on sorting through those issues individually in therapy. I tried to put a stop to my protest behaviours completely (threatening to leave during fights, ignoring messages in hopes that he'll 'miss me', asking for reassurance often). I even recommended that he read the book. He read the first chapter and immediately agreed that we were anxious/avoidant.
Over a month later, I've felt a growing distance. The future is looming and decisions need to be made. I started doing more without him. Looking at flats alone for once. Yesterday, after weeks of not discussing 'the relationship', I asked him if he felt a disconnect too and he said he did and was glad I said it. We then agreed that it wasn't working and likely never would due to our differences.
I'm pretty devastated. We ended on incredibly good terms and I still think the world of him. It's hard for me to know if I'm doing the right thing or if I expect too much. He's such a stable, solid, kind presence in my life and I feel thoroughly alone. I do realise that I went through this for a reason, it's just hard to remember that right now. It's just very raw at the moment. I'm hoping time heals all wounds and this isn't something I grow to regret.
Thank you to everyone for your support on the last post. It's really helped me get through all this so far. I go back and read the comments every time I wonder why I went through with this.
tl;dr I tried to make it work with my boyfriend after realising we have different needs. It didn't work out and we ended civilly. I'm feeling shattered and scared, but hopeful I made the right decision.


Source.