I [43F] declined to be my friend's [41F] MoH or bridesmaid and it's causing issues.

I'm someone who is planning to be single for life. I've realized I am not really cut out for long term relationships as I like to do much own thing a little too much. I'm fine with that but my core friend group at the moment are generally other single men and women my age so it's not as if I'm lonely or feeling left out.
I am also an organizer and I have a bit of a reputation in my group as an excellent Maid of Honor- I have done it 7 times now over the last decade and my spreadsheets and Trello boards are something equally laughed and and revered (yes I know I'm ridiculous and a bit extra but they really do help keep track of things) but in the end, the people I spend effort on have always shown me how much they appreciate it even if they think I'm a bit extra.
I have had a high school friend who I've known for awhile now. She's never been happy single but it's taken her awhile to fine the one (she's been seeing this guy for about 2.5 years).
Anyway immediately after she met this guy, she predictable cut back the time she was spending with me quite dramatically. I don't blame her, it's the normal thing to do but I went from seeing her once a week to maybe once a month at best or once every 3-4 months over the last few years and it's always with me initiating a meetup.
A year into her relationship, I stopped initiating meetups at all so our interactions have been occasional texts like once a month or her liking my social media posts. In the meantime, I turned to other friends and networks and life moves on, at 43, it's not the first or last time this has happened, this sort of thing really hit it's peak when I was in my late 20s to mid 30's so to avoid being lonely, I have a wide network of people and social hobbies.
However I got a phone call from her saying that she was engaged so I congratulated her and did all the usual "how did he propose?" and the ooohing and ahhing over the picture of the ring etc.
She then asked me to be a MoH. I was honestly not expecting this because we haven't talked in person or on the phone in over a year and half and she hadn't bothered to reach out to meet up at all. I don't feel close to her anymore and honestly I was only expecting to be invited as a guest (if at all, normally the older you get, the smaller your wedding gets).
I guess my problem is that I was diplomatic, I told her I didn't have the time to take on MoH duties as I was very busy (which is true but I would have made time for a closer friend). She then asked me to be in the bridal party and I again mentioned that I didn't really have time.
She's gotten upset with me because I've been a mutual friend's MoH last year for a friend and helped a lot with the wedding planning and stuff in general because my friend and her fiance faced a family emergency + illness at the time, to the point where even the groom was singing my praises at the thank you speech.
But my friend, even though she was in relationship, still met up with me twice a week and we'd have nice phone calls at least once a week. She was present and showed she valued the relationship so I stepped up for her when she needed help. And helping her did take a lot out of me for the 6 months when things were critical but I don't regret it. I feel like with this particular friend, there wouldn't be any payback really for any effort that I would put in.
But I didn't want to get into all of that with this individual because I knew it was just giving her ammunition and opening up a can over worms that wasn't going to be easily resolved. I know from enough experience when I've brought issues of not spending lots of time together up, "friends" have thrown my single status in my face as a derogatory thing so now I let people who want to be in my life make the effort and I understand if people put their partner's first but when I have a set of friends who will spend time with me frequently and regularly irrespective of relationship status, I will focus my energy and affection there.
I offered to give her my spreadsheets and Trello board to help her out with the wedding planning because I was started to get a sense that she just wanted a free wedding planner in the guise of a MoH rather than me in particular. The conversation kept revolving around how good I was at planning things etc not "I really want to share this experience with you".
It's now causing issues in my friend group because other mutual friends have agreed to be bridesmaids but no MoH and people assumed that I would be it.
A lot of my friends are completely understanding of the time commitment and the distance and support me but now if I get tagged in a FB post doing an escape room or something - on someone else's wall, I get a passive aggressive comment like "OMG Decent_Moose you look like you had a great time!" from her when she's never bothered before
Recently, I got a wall of text from her saying she thought we were better friends that than and that she thought I'd be there for her. I haven't responded so I got another wall of text about how she missed our friendship and she wonders why I never kept in touch. I commented back with a neutral "Life happens doesn't it?"
She's then gone and told other mutual friends that I have tendency to cut friends off once they get into a relationship because I'm bitter or jealous and I'm single. At this point, it was kind of predictable that my single status would come up but it still hurts every time.
Luckily, my friends have completely had my back on this and one even threatened to drop out of the bridal party but I'm at a complete loss here on how to proceed. I've never had someone do this do me, usually if we drift apart, we drift apart, I've never had someone come back and try to make me part of their bridal party.
What do I do here?
TLDR: Friend who didn't put effort into our friendship after she got into a relationship wants me to be MoH. I declined and now she's bad mouthing me.


Source.