My (F31) husband (M34) of 5 years (together for 9 years) takes me for granted and doesn?t care.

My (F31) husband (M34) of 5 years (together for 9 years) takes me for granted and doesn?t care.
To avoid the "just break up advice" let me be clear that we are not breaking up. We have two small kids and I've been married before and I know that the grass is not greener on the other side.
Both of us were raised in homes where our mothers stayed home and our fathers were the bread winners. It came naturally that I would cook, clean and manage the house and over time he has forgotten that it doesn't just happen. He's said to me how easy this house is to keep clean vs our last one? its literally twice the size and we have 2 kids under 5 destroying it everyday. I corrected him and I tried letting the bathrooms get so nasty he would have to clean them? it totally back fired and I ending up deep cleaning and scrubbing bathrooms. I now don't let them get that bad because I only punished myself, and I do not even get a thank you. (PSA if you use a bathroom and someone else cleans it? thank them!)
I can live with this though, you see I am better at the 1950s housewife stuff than he is. I can multitask and I'm efficient. I can really crush a to do list. The problem I have is the lack of reciprocation.
He is never excited to "repay" me we never go on date nights. What excites him is spoiling his parents. He'll come up with this grand scheme of a dinner party (for me to cook ) to have his parents over. Complete with nicely paired wines and beers. I can't tell you the last time he put thought into doing something for me. I've told him with a tear running down my cheek, "I wish you would spoil me like you do them." He told me that he and I are basically the same person in his head and he doesn?t spoil himself, after embarrassing me for crying over something so petty.
We just got back from a week getaway with his parents (who came to help with the kids). I had asked to do two things. 1) sushi, which his mom was excited about and so we did. And 2) shopping in an artsy district, which apparently was only a good idea when I suggested it to him at home.
For our last anniversary I wanted to go out to dinner, he wanted me to make a fancy meal at home to eat after the kids went to bed. I told him I was not interested in that. We only went out to dinner because the night before his brother's wife found out we weren't doing anything and essentially forced us to go by babysitting.
I don?t feel heard and I feel like my strategies are not working, and I would like some fresh suggestions.
TL;DR: My (F31) husband (M34) of 5 years (together for 9 years) takes me for granted and isn't listening to my attempts to wake him up.


Source.