We aren’t having enough sex, and I’m(F24) considering leaving my relation of five years with him(M26) over it.

Last night made me finally admit that this is an issue I think could actually ruin us. I hate that I feel this way. I never considered this effecting us to the extent of me crying myself to sleep. But here I am, many, many cries later.
I feel like I’m the problem. Maybe I want it too much. Maybe I’m a nympho or something. Maybe once every two weeks is good for others. It’s not for me.
How do I tell him he doesn’t satisfy me - full stop. Sex is not just about the pleasure for me, it’s how I say “I love you†and recharge my connection with my partner. I’ve notice our relationship goes through dips where I start to get crabby and snappy with my partner for small reasons. I just feel less close and on guard, and almost get offended when they try to be affectionate but it feels superficial. It took a year but I finally realized it’s when I get built up and haven’t had sex in a week or two, or inconsistently. I don’t know how to stop the mood shift.
I get angry when they kiss my neck or chest and give me some “you’re so beautiful, honey,†compliment and then... roll over and go to sleep. I’ve told him countless times that I dislike it because it feels like a tease to me, like a shot at getting my hopes up that maybe he’ll go crazy for my body and take me... but, nope. He’s tired. What’s new.
The resentment is boiling and I loathe myself for it. We used to have crazy sex. I couldn’t bend over in our own home at one point! If I did he was on me, telling me how sexy my butt was and he needed me. He used to grab at my body constantly when alone, tease me, kiss me passionately. I didn’t think that at year 5 our passion would dry up like this. We never even make out anymore. I have to pathetically ask, “can we maybe make out later?â€, otherwise it’s like he purposely avoids longer and deeper kisses.
We’re young! He’s only 26, how can he just not be riled up anymore? I feel like a disgusting excuse for a girlfriend more and more each time I’m rejected. I’ve tried getting him ready with blowjobs or handjobs, if I can get that far without rejection half the time I can tell he’s just not into it and take the hint and stop, and another large chunk I don’t push sex because I can just sense it’ll halt everything - so I get him off just to feel a fraction of that connection.
“It’s too late, honey. I have work in the morning.†But you had no problem staying up playing video games or watching TV. Why not get off an hour early? Because he genuinely doesn’t want sex. He can exercise and do everything else, but sex is too tiring. Fine.
But he compliments me. Tells me I’m beautiful, pretty. Hugs me and wants to cuddle all the time. We still peck 24/7. He’s clingy and still showers me in “I love you’sâ€. Just no sex. Why? I don’t want to be “prettyâ€. I want to be sexy.
I can’t even take care of my own needs because at this point I feel so low and pathetic that the idea of masturbating turns me off. I’m losing my ability to even get in the mood because I just start thinking about how it’s been two and a half weeks and my boyfriend doesn’t want me. He isn’t pent up like I am. He isn’t longing for my body like I’m longing for his.
I just... I want to breakdown and cry. Five years we’ve been together. He’s my best friend and I feel like such a ridiculous cliché when I say everything else is genuinely perfect with us. He just doesn’t desire me anymore.
I haven’t put on weight. In fact, I’ve been trying to get more fit lately in the hopes that would stir something up. I ****ing dyed my hair is favourite colour on me. I’ve started buying more clothes and make-up to try different styles.
When I think about how he used to grab at me, growl and kiss all over me, him initiating sex... my eyes well up. I can’t remember the last time he started it. Its been about a year since it all went downhill, maybe more. It’s always me initiating and trying to set the mood. I started secretly marking the calendar when we had sex and the average was once every two weeks if I wasn’t so aggressively coming on to him. I literally threw myself at him last night naked and he pawed at me half enthusiastically for a minute to satiate me and then went to sleep. It’s been over two weeks. Going on three.
I will not stay if it’s once a month. I can’t.
I’m close to giving up. Is that fair? I had to go to the bathroom just to cry my eyes out and wait for him to pass out before I came back. I don’t want to be naked around him anymore. I don’t want to touch him anymore. I’m tired of complimenting him about how handsome and sexy I find him and almost feeling like I’m annoying him.
I think it’s unfair that in five years I’ve turned him down maybe ONCE total, and yet my average is garbage. He doesn’t know how it feels to constantly feel rejected, because I’ll take whatever I can get.
I ended up dreaming about me yelling at him that if he doesn’t want to **** his perfectly fine girlfriend, I’d find someone among the millions of other men who would happily do so. And then woke up feeling guilty and disgusting. But I’m actually wondering if this is something big enough to make me walk. End our lives we built together. Move out, take the pets, and find a man who can make me feel sexy again.
But I love him so much. I want to marry this man. But if he were to propose this second I would say no unless this was sorted. I refuse a marriage of a DeadBedroom.
How do I ask him to get his hormones checked or figure this **** out? I’ve tried subtly bringing it up but he always looks so hurt and shocked I’d have an issue with it. Jesus Christ, I’m bawling right now because I think I’m getting my answer. He’s happy the way things are and I’m not. Maybe we are incompatible.
But why was it so good for 3.5 years? Why was that carrot of the perfect relationship dangled in front of me just to be snatched away? Last night I felt a switch flick in my brain. I just want to boycott sex. Then I won’t feel rejected. Then I don’t have to deal with getting sex and feeling close and recharged just to be starved again. I almost want to reject him endlessly until he finally snaps and goes insane and asks why. But what would that pettiness solve?
Does it get better? I know I’m going to be told to walk. But can’t I just train myself to not want sex so much? Can’t he just ****ing wake up and realize he’s losing me? I’m so bitter. I’m so hurt.
TL;DR- First 3.5 years of our relationship we had copious amounts of sex. I couldn’t keep him off me if I wanted to. The last 1.5 years it’s dropped to once every two weeks, and only me initiating. He’s affectionate in other ways, but I’m still considering leaving. I feel rejected, ugly, and my self esteem has shattered. I can’t keep going like this. Is there a way to help fix this, or is this the new normal and I need to consider the end of our otherwise amazing 5 years relationship?


Source.