UPDATE: Is it wrong for me(F20) to choose my friendship with my ex(M22) over the guy I’m dating now(M23)?

Original Post is here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationshi...my_friendship/
Thanks to all the people who gave me their advice and perspective on the matter, it was greatly appreciated and helped me sort my priorities out.
First, let me clear up some things I probably should have made clearer in the original post:
The thing with the mind reading is not really meant to be taken as a soul mate situation. Ben sometimes struggles to get a point across but I seem to get it most of the times and can tell people what he meant to say. So I think this got blown out of proportion a bit. I should have phrased this differently, sorry.
Also, many people referred to Chris as my boyfriend in their comments, which he was not. We were dating for a month and weren’t an official couple.
Another thing I should have talked about is how Ben and I ended up dating for a second time. An acquaintance told us that it was a shame that us dating never worked out and we decided to test the waters again. Not even a month in I said that it did not feel right, he agreed and said how relived he was that I felt it too and we went back to being friends. That was considerably easy since we hadn’t even had sex in that month. Chris knew that the second time wasn’t all that serious.
One comment was suspicious of why Ben hadn’t moved on so I probably should‘ve mentioned that Ben had a girlfriend from February to June 2018. I liked her and she was always lovely to me. She left him because, ironically, she still had feelings for her ex. So I thought it‘d be safe to assume that he‘d be over me as well.
None of my close friends talked about my history with Ben and they didn’t joke about us at the party. They genuinely want me to be happy and most of them instantly liked Chris. However something did happen at the party that ended up causing all this mess. So buckle up folks.
Now that that’s been said, let’s move on to the **** show that’s been my life for the last couple of days.
After reading some of your comments I texted Chris back and agreed to talk about things that night under the condition that we both will be civil and adult about it. He was fine with that and I came over to his place.
Chris started the conversation by immediately apologizing for how aggressive he reacted and how stupid he felt for not being able to keep it together. He said it wasn’t fair of him to mistrust me and that his jealousy was ridiculously overblown considering we weren’t even official.
I told him that it’s okay if he gets jealous or uncomfortable but I just wished we could have talked about it before things escalated. I apologized for not being sensitive enough to realize that no matter what he said to me, he wouldn’t exactly be thrilled with the situation. I could have made more of an effort to reassure him and adapt situations so that we could both be happy.
We both made it clear that it would make us sad if things ended before they had even begun and we’d probably end up regretting not giving this another shot. After all, we have this crazy chemistry and got along so well.
Now all that seemed to stand in the way of a happy ending was an awkward conversation about my friendship with Ben. But before I could even get into it Chris dropped this bomb:
So at the party he overheard Ben and his best friend talking. Ben said how awful it was to see me with another guy and how unfair it was that we weren’t an item. Chris did not know what to do with that. He said that that’s where what little jealousy and insecurity he had went from zero to a hundred and he couldn’t help seeing red. He weight his options and thought that if he’d tell me it’d end in a situation where it’s his word against Ben’s and I’d believe Ben more. He also didn’t want to be “that guy that ruined a friendship“. So he swallowed his feelings until they burst out when I casually mentioned hanging out with Ben.
As he told me that, I put my guard up and took it with more than just a grain of salt. That story sounded almost cartoonishly convenient. Some people in the comments warned me that he could try to manipulate me and I had to look out for myself. I told him in all honesty that I‘d have to talk to some other people as it was hard to take his word for it given the current situation.
Chris was very understanding and told me that to whatever solution I‘d come, he‘d have to accept it because as he put it he “lost the right to be involved in this with throwing a jealous fit“. I disagreed but he was adamant about me having to find my truth.
We ended the night with me telling him that I really wanted to trust in what he said to me for the sake of salvaging our relationship but it was just so hard and I was so confused. He again said that he understands and that I should take my time to sort things out. Then he gave me a long hug (yes, this one was actually long) and I left to figure things out.
And oh boy did I figure things out...
The first thing that came into my head was that at the party in September, the one where I was dared to kiss Ben, guess who thought of the dare. It was Ben‘s best friend, who, if I‘d take Chris’ word, would know if Ben still had feelings for me. Ben’s friend was also the person who suggested playing truth or dare in the first place even though he usually doesn’t like that many drinking/party games.
Then I thought about how weird Ben acted when I asked him about Chris. At the time I was convinced that he just didn’t want to hurt my feelings but what if he just saw his chance of getting Chris out of the picture and held an inner debate whether he should act on it or not.
My head was in bits and pieces as I overanalysed basically every interaction I had with Ben for the past months. I had to rip the band aid off and talk to Ben directly. So I asked him if he’d be free after work and he came over. We usually don’t spend time alone at each other’s place so he knew that something wasn’t quite right.
It was very awkward but I had carefully thought about what to say beforehand which made it a bit easier. I told Ben that I value our friendship but had gotten the suspicion that he might want more out of our relationship than I could give him and asked if this was true. Ben is a bad liar so he got defensive instead and asked me if Chris wanted to separate us. He used that phrasing. “Separate usâ€
I told him that it did not matter if Chris was involved in this because I just wanted a clear answer on whether us being friends was enough for him or not. He avoided the answer. Asking again if this was because of Chris. He spun in circles trying to change the subject and ended up saying some mean things about Chris not being a good person and what not (Reminder that their first and only interaction had been at the party). I however stayed focused, as I wanted an answer. Given, his avoiding of my question was answer enough but I was getting angry with him and I wanted him to spell it out.
After some more back and forth he finally snapped: “Fine! I thought that we’d eventually get back together and it was only a matter of time until you realized that we were meant to be! You should be with me then we wouldn’t have to deal with this.†His words still echo in my head.
Like, what…? I could have handled him having a little crush on me or if he felt that some things were left unresolved, but this? It felt like my entire world was shattered. All these years of friendship he just stuck around to one day get back together with me? Everything we’ve been through and everything he did for me was just so that I’d eventually realize that we should date again?
I told him that I couldn’t return his feelings. Not now and not in the future. We had tried twice, it didn’t work out, at least for me it didn’t, and I saw nothing that could change that. I wanted us to be friends but I don’t think it is possible under these conditions.
He got pretty worked up about it and it was like watching someone go through all stages of grief except acceptance. “We can still work this out!†“This is unfair!†“Nobody will ever love me!†“I’ll change and we can try again in a few months!â€
It took a lot out of me but I remained calm and told him that it’d be better if we stopped seeing each other for quite some time. Then I asked him to leave. I was exhausted and honestly creeped out. I felt so betrayed. This person that I was so close to and that I trusted so much was always acting with an ulterior motive.
I called my best friend and once she heard me sob through the speaker she got in her car and came over. I told her what had happened and she was horrified. She had no idea. As word spread in these last two days it turned out that my friends didn’t know about his feelings either and most of them were shocked and repelled by how he acted.
I got some amazing support from my friends and they were great at helping me not losing my head over this so far. Chris and I talked yesterday and I apologized for putting him in such a horrible situation. I hadn’t wanted for us to start out with this level of drama. He believes that I wasn’t to blame but I still think I should have realized some things earlier... it’s been five years of “friendship†for Christ‘s sake...
Chris was very sweet. He ordered food from my favourite take out place, we watched a movie and cuddled up on the sofa. He said that he was glad that we came out okay and somehow everything was worth the struggle in the end. He also asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend and I said yes.
So tl;dr: Ben had feelings for me for years and expected that I’d just get back together with him one day. I told him that I couldn’t be friends with him if that’s what he wants. Chris and I are now an official couple and can’t wait for a drama free relationship.


Source.