[UPDATE] How do I [31M] assure my wife [26F] that she has nothing to feel bad about while being a SAHM?

My first post can be found here.
Thank you for the wonderful messages of support, advice, and even some of the harsher reality checks.
I realized really quickly that the issue wasn't guilt about being a SAHM. It was that I hadn't been communicating well about money.
I approached her when all of the kids were asleep/busy/etc. It wasn't the type of discussion that I wanted to get interrupted. I, as directly as I could, told her about my concerns and worries about everything with money, her feeling afraid, what everything looked like from my side and apologized that I hadn't been direct enough in telling her.
She admitted that it did bother her that she didn't know how much I was making which left her blind as to what was okay/what wasn't. She also shared with me that when we were at a small get together for my family that a family member of mine (cousin, not parents or siblings) made a few snarky comments about how one of her friends was a SAHM and then her husband left her with nothing, got bitter about it, what does she do all day, yada yada. A bunch of bull****. I guess she had also made a few comments about how a lot of men got their wife expensive gifts when they were cheating.
This cousin is nothing but a raging mess who can't keep a friend or a boyfriend around for more than 3 weeks at a time. So she can go **** herself. I don't have a big connection to her anyway. So its not like it'll cause a bunch of drama for me to block her everywhere. So we did that.
I offered to let her go through my computer/phone/etc. I didn't know what else to do there to prove that I'm not cheating. Keep in mind - she was NOT aggressively insisting it. She didn't really, actually, truly think I was cheating. The comments just made her insecure because she (her words) has baby weight to lose. My wife assured me that she didn't want to go through any of my stuff and that she trusts me. I'm still slightly fuming about any family causing drama, but thankfully I only have to see her once every few years.
I figured (after I thought about it) that a serious family discussion didn't need to happen in a FA's office. At least not immediately. I did re-give her his number and she can go see him whenever she wants if she needs assurance or something else. We sat down and talked about my income each year, how much of that was going into what, and how much was left over for "fun" money. Guilt started bubbling and she felt bad which is when I did whip out the prices of nannies, cleaning ladies, etc. Thanks for that suggestion. My wife (as precious as she is) made me cut down the maids portion in half because we do still have someone come in sometimes. Either way - it was still a large amount.
We talked for a few hours and I asked her if she wanted to see the FA. So we have that scheduled to go there soon.
It was a long discussion that got interrupted despite our best efforts. I asked if she wanted to go therapy and she said yes. So she made me take off how much it would be to get someone to regularly come in each week off of the babysitting column of my "this is how much money you save us" list. So shes going to start therapy in 2 weeks.
I love my wife. We talked for a long time about retirement, the kids future, money in general, how she felt about it, etc.
Sorry I don't have any super exciting news or drama to report. I just wanted to tell anyone (who was curious) how it went.
I know we probably still have some communication issues to work through. Her making me cut down and edit the "list of services" shows me that she still does have some old issues surrounding money (which she did admit to). But as long as we're going forward we'll get there.
P.S She did go and buy her regular non-cheap skincare stuff.
TL;DR We had a really long talk about everything and how we would handle money going from then. A cousin had made her even more insecure that I was buying her nice things cause I was cheating (but she was already nervous before that). We talked about money and shes going to go therapy to work through issues rooting back to taking care of everyone else for years.
EDIT: I can't reply to everyone, but thank you so much for your wonderful comments and messages. I hope you all find someone who makes you very happy :)


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