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My [25F] lack of self-confidence and skin issues are ruining my relationship with my boyfriend [27M] (by Sparky)

 Sparky (0)  (29 / M-F / Massachusetts)
25-May-18 12:22 pm
My [25F] lack of self-confidence and skin issues are ruining my relationship with my boyfriend [27M] and I don't know how to fix i. Help?

A bit of background: I have an eczema my ENTIRE life. I'd say a good chunk (3-18) was spent dealing with severe eczema. I'm talking cracked skin, infections, etc.
As one would imagine, it's severely impacted my ability to navigate social situations. I have extreme social anxiety coupled with shyness. In college I lucked up with a great derm, and my skin has been relatively "normal" ever since. However, I skin have discoloration, my skin still feels dryer than most, and I do have flare ups. Yet, I still have issues letting the shame of being "diseased" go. I endured so much crap growing up that anytime a guy would express interest, I'd just blow him off and assume that he was trying to play me for a fool or something. For Christs sake, I JUST lost my virginity 2 months ago. My current boyfriend of 1yr is (was) really sweet about my issues and general fear of being close to someone, but I can tell it bothers him on some level. Like if it's 80 degrees out, I'll still wear sweaters, long jeans, etc, because I don't want anyone to see my skin. I don't wanna deal with the stares and questions. I don't like going to the beach, hiking, etc...basically anything that requires my skin or just allowing myself to be on display for an extended amount of time. He'll say little snarky things like "Get over it! No one is even looking at you!" and realistically, they aren't but I can't just switch off a panic attack. There are other times where we might have a day inside to just chill with TV or games, and he'll want to cuddle but I'll kinda push him away because I'm scared that if he touches me too much, he'll eventually be repulsed by me. Even sex is difficult and kinda lacking due to this. We sorta had a big blow up about this last night with him saying that I need to figure something out because I'm the one that's ruining whatever is left between us.
I don't know how to get over this. :/
tdlr: Skin issue impacts relationship with bf and Idk how to fix it.


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