[UPDATE] Me [28F] with my best friend [30/F] and her husband [32/M] I'm caught in the middle

Original Post
Original Post TL;DR-- My best friend's husband is my supervisor. He kept flirting with a co-worker. Best friend most likely has postpartum depression but won't deal with it and started getting paranoid. I was in the middle of the **** storm.

Hello, Dating.mobi! A few people have asked for updates and things have kind of settle down enough for me to provide one.
I finally had a serious, sit-yo-ass-down conversation with Ross (best friend's husband/my supervisor). His flirting has become very obvious and I basically did the one thing I swore I wouldn't do, which was to spy on him. I wrote down all the things I noticed throughout the day along with context and time because I was sick of all this and ****** to no end. Not gonna lie, I was feeling a little vindictive because he kept gaslighting me and saying I was seeing stuff that wasn't there and misinterpreting other co-workers' comments about him and Kate (co-worker he kept flirting with).

I told him that I needed to talk to him and we grabbed lunch. I told him point blank that he is flirting with Kate, there's no way for him to deny it, Nancy suspects that he's cheating and it's destroying her. Unexpectedly, I think my voice quivered and I got teary-eyed when I got to "it's destroying her," because I think it suddenly dawned on me how true that statement was and how actually serious the situation was. I think the same realization dawned on Ross at that moment as well. Before Ross could say anything, I also just listed all the flirtatious things he and Kate did that day because I was just really tired of dancing around the subject. I don't want to hear him even try to deny it, it's a waste of time (dude, we only have an hour for lunch). He was clearly defeated, admitted that he had a crush on Kate, and just kind of... I dunno. Emotionally crumpled?? He told me that the baby changed everything about his relationship dynamic with Nancy. A lot of the typical things of Nancy pushing him away because she doesn't want to be affectionate, both of being exhausted and cranky all the time, etc etc. He also said that Kate reminded him of Nancy before she had the baby (!!!!) I told him to never, EVER say that to Nancy EVER, even if he was coming clean with everything to her. I urged him to just sit down and have a talk with Nancy. He felt guilty about wanting Nancy's attention and affection when she was so busy with the baby, so he kinda bottled that up. I told him that it's OK for him to WANT those things. He shouldn't make Nancy feel about it (which I suspect he may have but I'm not sure) but at least communicate with her about it. It's so strange because before the baby, Nancy and Ross were fantastic at communication and were just a freaking dynamo couple. It really felt like I was looking at two completely new people. Ross promised me that he'd clean up his act and that was that.

A couple days later, I hung out with Nancy. I told her that while her current situation is difficult, her paranoia is beyond what one could consider normal and that she needed to see someone for her postpartum depression as well as a couples therapist. Again, I was just so sick of dancing around everyone's feelings so I just straight up told her that I can't do this anymore and that both she and Ross are destroying their marriage by pretending that all of this is normal. With her, the conversation was pretty short. I said "just ****ing talk to him for christ's sake" and left. It was not one of my most tactful moments.

Anyway... It's been a couple of weeks and things are going well. Ross' mom was visiting one weekend (this was already planned, unrelated to this whole ordeal) so he and Nancy asked her to watch the baby for a day and just spent a day talking. I'm not quite sure what went down, but apparently Ross told her about the crush, apologized profusely, and promised that he would only interact with Kate in the normal, professional manner. He showed her all of his texts and described the office flirting. Shockingly, Kate basically reacted with "That's it?!" I guess she was imagining something waaaay worse. Go figs. She told him not to feed that office crush but was actually pretty cool about him having one (she said it's normal and she has had office crushes in the past, too). We all agreed that Ross was absolutely inappropriately feeding the crush and that it was bordering on cheating. He'll have to grovel a while for that one to go away. But all in all, they seem to have a really good day together and kind of regained the momentum they had before. Nancy has started seeing someone for her PPD and they are in couples counseling. Nancy still has bouts of weird, depressive episodes but I'm sure it'll get better with time. I hate to say it, but their baby IS kind of a nightmare.. Super cute but will not eat or sleep properly. Ross has COMPLETELY changed his attitude towards Kate (basically how he treats everyone else in the office) so I truly believe they are in the mends. I'm really happy to see them fix things, but I told them that I'm a bit burnt out with our friendship and need some time apart. They apologized and agreed that they'll keep their distance from me until I contact them first. They're getting back to their old selves, so I'm sure we'll get over this hump and be good friends again.

Kate, however, is not taking this whole thing well. She shouldn't be trying to cheat on her bf, but Ross was also kind of the driving force behind this so I am a little bit sympathetic. She continued to try to flirt with Ross, but it clearly wasn't going anywhere. She then started openly flirting with another MUCH older married director (I'm guessing in his 50's???). Dude seems a bit confused but isn't really shutting it down either. A couple of days ago, she approached me and asked if I thought Ross was being kind of weird towards her. Kate and I are not friends and we barely interact, so this was definitely out of the norm. She knows that I'm friends with Ross, though. I did NOT want to get involved again so I basically gave her a very quizzical, surprised look and said "Oh, I have no idea. I haven't noticed anything." I noped the HELL out of there as quick as I can. Sometimes you gotta be smart and play it dumb.

Anyway, that's about it. Thank you so much for all your advice! I think the general consensus was "Talk to Ross but don't mention his flirting to Nancy", which seems to have worked out beautifully. You guys are great!
TL;DR- Told Ross to quit his bull****. Told Nancy to see a therapist and counselor. They're doing much better now but Kate seems to still be going down a dark path. I don't care.


Source.

Triflin'!