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My boyfriend [26M] read my [28F] journal and is now very upset with me (by Sparky)
My boyfriend [26M] read my [28F] journal and is now very upset with me
First a little background. My boyfriend and I are religious and are not sexually active (we're both virgins actually). I've noticed I've become less religous over the years for no special reason. I like to believe in God, because it gives me comfort during hard times, but I don't pray or read anything about our religion etc. My boyfriend on the other hand is very religious. We have been together for a year now.
I was at his place and brought my laptop with me, because I had some work to do and he said he didn't mind. After a little while, I had to make a phone call and went to his bedroom. It took a little longer then I expected, so when I got back to the living room it was like 30 minutes later. I was surprised to see him using my laptop. When I got a little closer, I saw he had my journal open. I got angry and asked him what he was doing. He said that he saw the journal and clicked on it, cause he was curious, but he didn't mean to read a lot of it. Just the page that was already open. But apparently it was so interesting he kept on reading.
I told him it was very personal and that I was not happy about this. But he didn't even apologize. Instead he got angry and questioning me about the things he read. First he asked me why I didn't tell him I had doubts about our faith. But what he still doesn't understand is that it's so private I don't want to talk to him about that, since he can't be objective about it. Also, it's not really doubts, more that I am curious about some theories, like evolution. I learned a bit about it during uni, but it was only a little bit and from the little bit I read it's also quite complex. So I told him that it was just curiosity. And it can never hurt to learn more.
Another thing he read that he was so angry about was, that I read fanfiction. It's kinda like a guilty pleasure of mine. He said it's a sin and why on earth am I reading it in the first place. I told him the truth. I like to read, the stories are quite good actually and funny. And i like that I can read all kinds of different versions of my fav books and shows. But, yes a lot of them are gay fics and he was very upset about that. He said that he never thought I was the kind of person who read those disgusting stories.
The last thing he mentioned he read was something very very personal. Out of the blue he said I had a high libido for a woman and the devil is tempting me. I was really upset when he said that, cause that is not the case and what I do when i'm alone by myself is my business only. He feels that if he as a man can control himself from not touching, then why can't I? And he said it's a miracle you still a virgin. He was kinda mean about it, which he never is btw. He is very kind, but at that moment he was so different. And so judgemental. I don't even have a high libido, but it's very hard to stay a virgin as I grow older and I told him that. I said that I was glad that it was not that hard for him, but for me it's different. And lately since i have been questioning things, the topic of virginity is also something i'm thinking about. I don't feel the same way about it like I used to. I told him all of this, and then he said we need to cool down, since we never had a fight this big and we can talk about it later. So I left. I don't know if we should breakup, maybe I changed a lot, maybe I've been wrong. But I also feel that I have a right to be upset, since he read my journal in the first place and it was all private. I just don't know, so any advice is very appreciated.
Edit: Wow, it's too much to respond to each of you. But I wanted to say thank you for the ones that gave me some real advice. I'm seeing my boyfriend at the end of the week and we will talk then. Like I said, since this is our first big fight, I don't want to end things so soon. Not before I at least know why he said those things. I feel like communication is important and I want to know what he will say first. A lot of people are saying that he is maybe gay or asexual because of his extreme reaction, but I doubt that. He is attracted to me and says so all the time. What he said is still very concerning though, so I will definitely let him know how I feel about this. And I do feel like he betrayed my trust. I'm not letting this go so easily. I still feel upset that he read my journal.
For the people that are saying i should have been more honest to him about how I changed. I understand that, but im still figuring things out.
Tldr: my boyfriend of 1 year read my online journal and now he is angry, because I have not told him about my doubts about our faith and he feels like i'm sinning cause I read things I shouldnt
Source.
First a little background. My boyfriend and I are religious and are not sexually active (we're both virgins actually). I've noticed I've become less religous over the years for no special reason. I like to believe in God, because it gives me comfort during hard times, but I don't pray or read anything about our religion etc. My boyfriend on the other hand is very religious. We have been together for a year now.
I was at his place and brought my laptop with me, because I had some work to do and he said he didn't mind. After a little while, I had to make a phone call and went to his bedroom. It took a little longer then I expected, so when I got back to the living room it was like 30 minutes later. I was surprised to see him using my laptop. When I got a little closer, I saw he had my journal open. I got angry and asked him what he was doing. He said that he saw the journal and clicked on it, cause he was curious, but he didn't mean to read a lot of it. Just the page that was already open. But apparently it was so interesting he kept on reading.
I told him it was very personal and that I was not happy about this. But he didn't even apologize. Instead he got angry and questioning me about the things he read. First he asked me why I didn't tell him I had doubts about our faith. But what he still doesn't understand is that it's so private I don't want to talk to him about that, since he can't be objective about it. Also, it's not really doubts, more that I am curious about some theories, like evolution. I learned a bit about it during uni, but it was only a little bit and from the little bit I read it's also quite complex. So I told him that it was just curiosity. And it can never hurt to learn more.
Another thing he read that he was so angry about was, that I read fanfiction. It's kinda like a guilty pleasure of mine. He said it's a sin and why on earth am I reading it in the first place. I told him the truth. I like to read, the stories are quite good actually and funny. And i like that I can read all kinds of different versions of my fav books and shows. But, yes a lot of them are gay fics and he was very upset about that. He said that he never thought I was the kind of person who read those disgusting stories.
The last thing he mentioned he read was something very very personal. Out of the blue he said I had a high libido for a woman and the devil is tempting me. I was really upset when he said that, cause that is not the case and what I do when i'm alone by myself is my business only. He feels that if he as a man can control himself from not touching, then why can't I? And he said it's a miracle you still a virgin. He was kinda mean about it, which he never is btw. He is very kind, but at that moment he was so different. And so judgemental. I don't even have a high libido, but it's very hard to stay a virgin as I grow older and I told him that. I said that I was glad that it was not that hard for him, but for me it's different. And lately since i have been questioning things, the topic of virginity is also something i'm thinking about. I don't feel the same way about it like I used to. I told him all of this, and then he said we need to cool down, since we never had a fight this big and we can talk about it later. So I left. I don't know if we should breakup, maybe I changed a lot, maybe I've been wrong. But I also feel that I have a right to be upset, since he read my journal in the first place and it was all private. I just don't know, so any advice is very appreciated.
Edit: Wow, it's too much to respond to each of you. But I wanted to say thank you for the ones that gave me some real advice. I'm seeing my boyfriend at the end of the week and we will talk then. Like I said, since this is our first big fight, I don't want to end things so soon. Not before I at least know why he said those things. I feel like communication is important and I want to know what he will say first. A lot of people are saying that he is maybe gay or asexual because of his extreme reaction, but I doubt that. He is attracted to me and says so all the time. What he said is still very concerning though, so I will definitely let him know how I feel about this. And I do feel like he betrayed my trust. I'm not letting this go so easily. I still feel upset that he read my journal.
For the people that are saying i should have been more honest to him about how I changed. I understand that, but im still figuring things out.
Tldr: my boyfriend of 1 year read my online journal and now he is angry, because I have not told him about my doubts about our faith and he feels like i'm sinning cause I read things I shouldnt
Source.
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