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My wife [28F] is threatening divorce unless we start trying for a baby by December. I [29M] am entir (by Sparky)
My wife [28F] is threatening divorce unless we start trying for a baby by December. I [29M] am entirely against having a kid right now.
We've been married for 5 years. Our plan when we first got married was to start trying when my wife was 27. She never wanted to be an "old mom" and I was fine with that age.
27 came last year and we had a serious discussion about it. I said I felt like we were in no way ready. Life hasn't exactly gone as my wife and I expected. We live in a crappy, small apartment. We're working jobs that barely support ourselves and have next to no savings. Bringing a child into the equation would mean absolute bankruptcy and a crappy life for the three of us. My wife agreed and said she wanted to wait, as well. We put together a plan to try and get ourselves to a better financial decision and revisit the discussion at 30.
Present day we are not much better off than we were then. It's been almost two years and the only change we've made is that we now know that we'll make our bills each month...with a few dollars to spare. Same crappy apartment, similar crappy jobs, no savings.
Then my wife told me that if we aren't trying for a baby by December we were getting divorced. It came completely out of no where. She says she changed her mind, she didn't realize how long she would have to wait and things obviously aren't getting better, so we'll have to wait even longer most likely.
I said that wasn't an excuse, I don't want to raise a child in borderline poverty. I know kids grow up poor and turn out great all the time, but we have a choice and I don't want to choose a terrible life.
She told me she figured out how to make it work. I would bump my hours up from 50 to 60 a week. We'd downgrade our apartment (we live in a one bedroom in the "cheap" part of town already). She would work part-time and that would allow us to afford a nanny for the rest of the time. We'd have to scrimp (her words), but she figured it out and it would work.
So her solution: I work so much I'd never get to see our baby. Neither of us would have a second of free time ever again. We'd be living in an even ****tier apartment, and even then we'd be "scrimping" more than we already do.
I said no. She said no wasn't an option. We aren't having sex, which I hate. I hate feeling like I can't trust my own wife. And I don't want to lose her. I love her and I love our life together.
I don't know what to do. Is there an option, or do I just have to accept that my marriage is over?
tl;dr: My wife says she will divorce me if we aren't trying for a baby by December. We absolutely can't afford a baby but I don't want to lose my wife. Is my marriage over?
Source.
We've been married for 5 years. Our plan when we first got married was to start trying when my wife was 27. She never wanted to be an "old mom" and I was fine with that age.
27 came last year and we had a serious discussion about it. I said I felt like we were in no way ready. Life hasn't exactly gone as my wife and I expected. We live in a crappy, small apartment. We're working jobs that barely support ourselves and have next to no savings. Bringing a child into the equation would mean absolute bankruptcy and a crappy life for the three of us. My wife agreed and said she wanted to wait, as well. We put together a plan to try and get ourselves to a better financial decision and revisit the discussion at 30.
Present day we are not much better off than we were then. It's been almost two years and the only change we've made is that we now know that we'll make our bills each month...with a few dollars to spare. Same crappy apartment, similar crappy jobs, no savings.
Then my wife told me that if we aren't trying for a baby by December we were getting divorced. It came completely out of no where. She says she changed her mind, she didn't realize how long she would have to wait and things obviously aren't getting better, so we'll have to wait even longer most likely.
I said that wasn't an excuse, I don't want to raise a child in borderline poverty. I know kids grow up poor and turn out great all the time, but we have a choice and I don't want to choose a terrible life.
She told me she figured out how to make it work. I would bump my hours up from 50 to 60 a week. We'd downgrade our apartment (we live in a one bedroom in the "cheap" part of town already). She would work part-time and that would allow us to afford a nanny for the rest of the time. We'd have to scrimp (her words), but she figured it out and it would work.
So her solution: I work so much I'd never get to see our baby. Neither of us would have a second of free time ever again. We'd be living in an even ****tier apartment, and even then we'd be "scrimping" more than we already do.
I said no. She said no wasn't an option. We aren't having sex, which I hate. I hate feeling like I can't trust my own wife. And I don't want to lose her. I love her and I love our life together.
I don't know what to do. Is there an option, or do I just have to accept that my marriage is over?
tl;dr: My wife says she will divorce me if we aren't trying for a baby by December. We absolutely can't afford a baby but I don't want to lose my wife. Is my marriage over?
Source.
@Sparky: In my honest opinion I don't think Ur marriage is over only if you face the situation and take the bull by the horn. Everyone wants to raise a child up in a comfortable zone, but we fail to understand that sometimes some things do not happen unless we take risks. You guys are not getting younger either so get her pregnant if you really love her. Love is all about making sacrifice most expecially when it hurts to do so but for love sake we take such steps. I wish you all the best, things getting better is a probability so and u can live Ur life on that. If you look around u, you will see people in same condition u are and they have children now and not just a child and they are still surviving. Yeah it can be very hard but nothing good comes easy. Take the risk you lose nothing in doing that.
I can give you the number of a good divorce lawyer .
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