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My (26M) girlfriend (25F) thinks I am too 'masculine' and says she wants me to change to be more lik (by Sparky)
(29 / M-F / Massachusetts)
My (26M) girlfriend (25F) thinks I am too 'masculine' and says she wants me to change to be more like her. I am kind of interpretating this as her asking me to be less 'urban' or 'hood', but she is trying to frame it in a gender perspective. Not sure how to react.
Been with alice for 2 years now. She is a white girl from the suburbs and I am half puerto rican half russian and from brooklyn, so right away we had some cultural differences but we mostly got over them and learned to like our differences.
then we moved to nyc with each other and the differences have definitely become more obvious and glaring. I like beer and video games and hanging out on my stoop with friends, she likes wine and yoga and quaint dinner parties and meditation classes. I am fine with this, but as she has sort of entered 'my world' (nyc) it has become more obvious the parts of it she doesn't like that I grew up with. I say hello to all my neighbors even the homeless guy down the block, she feels weird around them because she isnt from here. I go to the local dive bar around the corner, she goes to the nice hipster tea shop a few blocks away. I hang out on our stoop with local friends and drink a few beers on the weekend, she told me she thinks that is 'slummy' and doesn't partake. I sometimes go to the local bodega and hang out with the owner there for a few hours after work, she hates even going inside there, she prefers whole foods. I like going to house parties occasionally when friends are throwing them, she thinks house parties are for high school kids or some ****, she says she prefers going to the park. I listen mostly to hip-hop and punk, she listens to chainsmokers and adele. She is in bed by 11pm on weekends, I typically stay up until the am. Anyways, I hope you guys understand, there is a big divide here.
I am not trying to say her lifestyle is bad. Its not at all, I respect it, but the problem is that she very clearly doesn't respect mine. I get there is a suburban/urban difference here but she has a distaste for a sort of urban street culture in general which is everywhere in nyc, she likes more quaint hipster low-key stuff like book clubs and yoga meetings. And again, im fine with that, we can have different interests, its always been this way. But she has confronted me multiple times trying to make me like... idk, change my ways? She calls what i do immature and childish, and that my tastes in entertainment are childish.
So the most recent one was that she brought me to some weird poetry reading, and afterwards she brought up something from one of the poems about how men are prone to self destructive behaviors and bad social cues and all this stuff, and she said I have to 'reevaluate' how I view the things I do. I was like what are you talking about? And she mentioned all of the stuff, she said my behavior is 'typical masculinity' in that I engage in the things I do. She mentioned video games, hanging out on the streets, going to the bodega to talk to mohammed (the owner, not prophet lol), she said the fact that i refuse to go to yoga or engage in the arts in any way, basically everything I mentioned above. I didn't even really want to say anything because I knew this was sort of a cop-out for her.
But it got worse over the next 2 days when she kept bringing it up, that i need to like, clear my masculinity away or some weird ****. I straight up told her, what about ANYTHING i did was 'masculine'? Since when is juust hanging out with friends on my stoop masculine? And she said its immature, and masculinity can lead to immature choices. I just told her, look, you clearly just dont like urban lifestyles and its possible she has an aversion to this stuff because she is white and doesnt feel comfortable in a majority non-white neighborhood. Ill be real, she definitely gets a bit weird when she is the only white person in the room. She didnt even respond to that (this conv was texts) and when she came home she brought up the masculinity thing again.
So our 'different lifestyles' have come to a clash and she is blaming it on gender.
What do I do? I still want to be with her, we get along great, we rarely fight. What do I do?
tl;dr: Girlfriend is blaming our cultural differences on me being too 'masculine'.
Source.
Been with alice for 2 years now. She is a white girl from the suburbs and I am half puerto rican half russian and from brooklyn, so right away we had some cultural differences but we mostly got over them and learned to like our differences.
then we moved to nyc with each other and the differences have definitely become more obvious and glaring. I like beer and video games and hanging out on my stoop with friends, she likes wine and yoga and quaint dinner parties and meditation classes. I am fine with this, but as she has sort of entered 'my world' (nyc) it has become more obvious the parts of it she doesn't like that I grew up with. I say hello to all my neighbors even the homeless guy down the block, she feels weird around them because she isnt from here. I go to the local dive bar around the corner, she goes to the nice hipster tea shop a few blocks away. I hang out on our stoop with local friends and drink a few beers on the weekend, she told me she thinks that is 'slummy' and doesn't partake. I sometimes go to the local bodega and hang out with the owner there for a few hours after work, she hates even going inside there, she prefers whole foods. I like going to house parties occasionally when friends are throwing them, she thinks house parties are for high school kids or some ****, she says she prefers going to the park. I listen mostly to hip-hop and punk, she listens to chainsmokers and adele. She is in bed by 11pm on weekends, I typically stay up until the am. Anyways, I hope you guys understand, there is a big divide here.
I am not trying to say her lifestyle is bad. Its not at all, I respect it, but the problem is that she very clearly doesn't respect mine. I get there is a suburban/urban difference here but she has a distaste for a sort of urban street culture in general which is everywhere in nyc, she likes more quaint hipster low-key stuff like book clubs and yoga meetings. And again, im fine with that, we can have different interests, its always been this way. But she has confronted me multiple times trying to make me like... idk, change my ways? She calls what i do immature and childish, and that my tastes in entertainment are childish.
So the most recent one was that she brought me to some weird poetry reading, and afterwards she brought up something from one of the poems about how men are prone to self destructive behaviors and bad social cues and all this stuff, and she said I have to 'reevaluate' how I view the things I do. I was like what are you talking about? And she mentioned all of the stuff, she said my behavior is 'typical masculinity' in that I engage in the things I do. She mentioned video games, hanging out on the streets, going to the bodega to talk to mohammed (the owner, not prophet lol), she said the fact that i refuse to go to yoga or engage in the arts in any way, basically everything I mentioned above. I didn't even really want to say anything because I knew this was sort of a cop-out for her.
But it got worse over the next 2 days when she kept bringing it up, that i need to like, clear my masculinity away or some weird ****. I straight up told her, what about ANYTHING i did was 'masculine'? Since when is juust hanging out with friends on my stoop masculine? And she said its immature, and masculinity can lead to immature choices. I just told her, look, you clearly just dont like urban lifestyles and its possible she has an aversion to this stuff because she is white and doesnt feel comfortable in a majority non-white neighborhood. Ill be real, she definitely gets a bit weird when she is the only white person in the room. She didnt even respond to that (this conv was texts) and when she came home she brought up the masculinity thing again.
So our 'different lifestyles' have come to a clash and she is blaming it on gender.
What do I do? I still want to be with her, we get along great, we rarely fight. What do I do?
tl;dr: Girlfriend is blaming our cultural differences on me being too 'masculine'.
Source.
(58 / M-F / Louisiana)
So the most recent one was that she brought me to some weird poetry reading, and afterwards she brought up something from one of the poems about how men are prone to self destructive behaviors and bad social cues and all this stuff, and she said I have to 'reevaluate' how I view the things I do.
(49 / F-MF / Tennessee)I know opposites attract, but this sounds to much unalike. She's gonna try to change you into a prep boy. I would get out now.
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