I [24F] never wanted kids. I don't know what to do about my son [6F].

For background, I grew up in an extremely abusive home. I won't get into the details, but I ended up leaving home at 14 and living with a series of abusive older men just so I'd have a place to stay. When I was 17, I got pregnant, and my son's father at the time refused to even let me consider abortion. It was an incredibly dark time, because I never wanted children and never wanted to bring one into an abusive home.
I ended up leaving him before my son was born when I had just turned 18. We stayed in shelters for awhile but I managed to find stable housing and a full time job at a grocery store. At this point, we have a 2 bedroom apartment to ourselves and I am a manager at a grocery store.
Now, my son. Charlie is 6 and is a great kid. I say that objectively. Adults melt over him and he has always had an easy time making friends. He's very smart (I think in part because I had no idea what to do with a child so I just read him books and did puzzles with him), does well in school, is very thoughtful and well-behaved, etc. Everyone loves him... except me. I respect him greatly, I feel responsible for him, and I'm very proud of him, but I almost feel like he's a tiny roommate or something. I never felt any kind of motherly attachment and I just go through the motions every day. I never wanted kids, and growing up in an abusive home solidified that. I don't want to mess a kid up like I was messed up.
He has no idea I don't love him, though when he was 4 he started asking me, 'Do you love me, mom?' and it broke my heart because I thought he could see the cracks in my exterior. I now have a phone alarm set during school drop off and bed time to make sure I tell him I love him. Does that sound like a mom to you?
I've seen a few therapists for the last 4 years, but I've only broached this topic with one. I mentioned that I don't love him, that I don't want to be a mom, and that being a mother makes me miserable. She was curt with me, canceled our next appointment, and CPS showed up at my house a week later because someone had filed a report. There were no consequences because I had a clean home with utilities, a happy kid who did well in school, and a stable job, but at the time I almost wished they'd seen through it and taken him away, because we'd both be better off.
I have to admit that this is largely about me. All of the kids I grew up with are getting married, graduating from college, starting exciting careers, etc. I barely got to graduate high school, I work a menial job I hate, and I spend all of my time with a child. I don't date (based on my experience with my mother's boyfriends, I don't want to ever, ever bring an adult man around my kid). My life feels hollow and empty. I've chatted with a few people online and they've said I only have to keep it up til he's 18 ('only', that's 12 more years), but I feel like my resentment will reach an all-time high as I have to give him everything I didn't get to have. I know it isn't his fault, but I also know I"ll feel that way.
Since he transitioned from day-care to public pre-school (and then public school) I have been able to put some money aside, and increasingly I dream of having a life without him where I can put myself first, figure out who I am, figure out what I really want in life, and stop living my life essentially pretending to be this person I'm not for a child I never wanted. I want to go to school, I want to date, I want to know what it feels like to just have some alone time, to have friends, to have an identity besides "Charlie's Mother." As it is, I spend 40+ hours a week working so I can have an emergency fund for him, to pay for insurance for him, to make sure he has toys and clothes and entertainment, so we can live in a neighborhood that's more expensive but safer for kids (which also requires me to pay for a car), etc. I already pay for a sitter, daycare, or after school program (depending on the time of the year) to cover the gaps when I'm working and he isn't in school, and I feel like spending any less time with him would be ****ty for him.
The reason I brought this up is that he currently is in his old daycare, where he has been since he was an infant and only stopped going to full time when school started. The woman who runs the daycare, Tonya, has 2 adopted kids who are 4F and 7M who Charlie loves. Tonya always says he's her favorite, and she wishes she had one just like him, and that she hopes the next kid she and her husband adopt is as sweet as him. You can see where I'm going with this.
Would it be completely deranged to ask Tonya if she's really interested in adopting him? Would it damage our relationship enough that it would impact Charlie? I'm at a point where I really think giving him a home with another adult is best for both of us. I can't take this much longer. But I'd also rather die than leave him with a stranger or in foster care because I know how that worked out for me.
I've really reached my breaking point. I know I'm a terrible person for not being able to love this kid, especially when everyone else does, but I never wanted this life and feel more and more stifled and miserable every day.

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TL;DR: I never wanted kids but was forced to have one. I am feeling close to my limit with this situation. Would it be unreasonable of me to feel out his daycare provider, an adoptive mother of two, to see if she's interested in adopting him?
EDITED TO ADD: I have no contact with my family or his father due to abuse. There is no way on earth I would ever leave a child with any of them.


Source.

You selfish bitch. You shoulda thought about ALL of this before you laid down and spread those legs for some POS.
Find a reputable adoption agency NOW so that little boy can have a chance at life with parents that actually will love him.....and you go get your fricking tubes tied.