Has anyone had any real experience with how to help someone out of a 35 year abusive relationship. After the abused is so wore down they believe it's their fault and normal? I cld use some clarity or advice from outside my own emotions...please.

Do you need the help or someone that you know?

Not me Amy...but thanx for the concern...growing up in an abusive household I consciously made the choice to break the cycle and have spent my adulthood cultivating peace, security and safety in my home for myself and my children. I'm actually speaking of my Mom.

Right there is the biggest problem you going to have trying to help the abused person, the abused doesn't know any better anymore it feels normal and she or he will blame herself ! 35 years of brainwashing.....the first step is getting them away from the abuser no matter what it takes! There is no way to help anyone if he or she is still around the abuser!Lots of counseling one on one and group !

Restraining order if necessary, the family has to support and stick together, take her in with you , oh Ladawn so sorry to hear this , it will be a tough one !

The getting her away is the obstacle none of us has figured out how to overcome Heike...I volunteered with DVIS (domestic violence intervention services) for 15 years....working closely with the counselors and abused women at a safeshelter. I cld be of help after she leaves but we can't get her away....she had a stroke two years ago and her mental faculties are not 100% and the abuse has progressively gotten worse and worse since then...I managed to get her to leave for 3 weeks a few mnths ago. But I literally had to beat him to the ground to do it and then she went home. I am just overcome with despair at this point...she has 7 adult children and any one of us wld take her in or pitch in and buy her land and build her a home...I simply can't comprehend how a woman becomes defeated...it isn't in my makeup. First time he called me a stupid bitch or hit me he wld be outta there! Intelligently I can explain the brainwashing but emotionally it is incomprehensible to me...

I can Ladawn and it wasn't 35 years for me.......its like the abuser gets to be you're addiction hard to explain!Isn't there anything you can do to the fact that her mental state isn't 100%? Can you take pictures if she has bruises inflicted by him? Get him taken away, arrested if you have prove of the abuse ,set up a camera a recorder?

I have pics and vids and filed police report twice when he hit me recently...I just want inside HER head...no one can do it for her, we can only overcome with her...what do I say or do to make her know her value? Every strength that we (my bros and sises) have came from HER...she is so sweet and caring and loves so unconditionally. She is simple and uncomplicated and easy to please...why can't she see that she raised us right DESPITE him? That we love and want her and only put up with him so that SHE doesn't have to pay?

I wish i had the answer for you! I hate to say this to you, but you may never get inside her head! Its been so long she doesn't know any better , like you said she blames herself and its gotten to be normal for her to live that way! Its very sad and painful to watch someone you love give up on themselves !

Do I distance myself or continue to insert between the two of them...he says I'm not allowed in the house and right now I just push my way in...I'm telling you I thank God for my wonderful brothers and sisters and their spouses though. They have matured so well and I am so proud of them. He hates ME...so mostly I let them take the lead dealing with him but I miss my momma and shouldn't have to stay away...