Mum (F50) wants a ?discussion? about my (F20) behaviour after i asked my family to stop triggering my allergies [ADVICE]

i understand this is long, TLDR at the end
Context: I have a bad fragrance allergy, i?m allergic to most perfumes, i?ve figured out i?m allergic specifically to stamford incense and an essential oil lavender roller perfume i bought a while ago, but other than that i don?t know what it is. Normally it?s trial and error to figure out what i?m allergic to, which isn?t great because i don?t have any antihistamines for it. When i have an allergic reaction it gives me an extremely sore throat with bumps at the back, so bad i can?t swallow or breathe without pain and talking isn?t good either.
My family know about this allergy because i?ve had reactions in front of them, my first and worst reaction i had in front of my parents(M&F50) due to my brothers(M18) (now ex) gfs perfume, i figured out it was a fragrance allergy once it cleared up slightly after a few hours away from her outside, and after i had a few reactions at college from inhaling others perfumes. My reactions can last hours to days depending how exposed I am and how bad it is. A few days ago my mum bought 2 new reed air diffusers, I asked her if she would mind not putting them out until i had a chance to test them and she said that was alright. I then told her it would take a few days because i had shifts at work and a job interview so i couldn?t test it just yet, and she said that was alright and to just let her know when i?d tested them.
Last night i thought i could smell something outside my room and downstairs but couldn?t place what it was, my mum had just been in the bathroom so i assumed it was new body wash or something, whatever, no big deal. But my throat felt off and so i asked in the group chat if anyone had sprayed anything, used any new diffusers or candles, etc. They all replied ?Nope.? I said that was alright, i could just smell something and my throat hurt a bit was all.
A few hours after that i went to the bathroom, and what did i see? The reed diffuser. Opened. 1/4 used, sitting on top of the toilet. Mum had opened one and then lied to me about it, we also had 2 and i could smell something downstairs as well. I was so upset about this because not only had i been lied to, but this isn?t the first time my family have triggered a reaction. My brothers (not sure if he?s really the ?golden child? but my mum LOVES him) gf(F18) sprayed perfume a while ago and when i asked him about it he lied and said he didn?t know what i was talking about, only when she did it again he admitted it and repeatedly said they didn?t know despite this being the 3rd time i told him i was allergic, and that i didn?t mind her using perfume just open the window and don?t spray it in the hallway. My family have also used different scents and i?ve had to put in the GC more than once to please take me seriously.
I moved the diffuser to the office since it?s the only room i don?t really go into and the door stays shut, washed my hands, and quickly got changed. I texted the group chat yet again saying:
?just found the new air freshener put in the bathroom, window completely shut. i?m once again asking if we can please be more sensitive to my fragrance allergy. I have an interview the 28th and i?d rather not be struggling the breathe during it, i need the job and my lungs to pay what i?m being asked towards bills and for my own food, shampoo, laundry liquid etc?
my brother told me it was an essential oil roller, not perfume and i told him i was allergic regardless. My parents have also been getting on me about paying bills despite me having one job that barely pays enough or gives me enough shifts, and i?ve been looking for a second job for MONTHS- enduring talks from my mum about how disappointed i make her, how i don?t make her happy, etc. This felt a lot like i was being sabotaged. I remembered there was a smell from one downstairs too so i asked:
?i could also smell something downstairs earlier today if it?s the freshener i?d be happy if someone bothered to move it into a separate room like the office where i don?t go, and open windows. the more exposed i am the worse the reaction is. i?ve mentioned this before but it feels like nobody actively listens ? i desperately need this job?
knowing my family absolutely wouldn?t move it, i haven?t left my room yet and i?m expecting to see the air freshener back in the bathroom, ready for me to have a reaction.
My mum replied this morning around 7 with ?[Name] We need to have a face to face discussion about this behaviour.?
This is the first time i?ve stood up for myself. The last time i tried standing up for myself was when she accused me of stealing cutlery from the kitchen and hiding it in my room (because that?s DEFINITELY something i?d do. /s), and she screamed in my face more than once causing me to break down in my room and my bf had to take care of me. I don?t understand what ?behaviour? she?s talking about, the fact i?m standing up for myself? that im sick and tired of not being taken seriously??
Every ?discussion? with my mum has always turned into confrontation or an argument, she interrupts me and i get upset and she tells me ?I?m not talking to you whilst you?re hysterical.? I?m so used to discussions ending with me being slapped or screamed at they?re causing me horrible stress, in school i couldn?t even talk to teachers after class about my work because i was so scared they?d do the same thing as my mum because that?s all i knew.
I have to go downstairs at some point to talk with her, i?m autistic so i struggle to do face to face discussions. I?m going to try to take it slow and get my point across, even if i get screamed at or interrupted. Any advice to keep my cool or not panic and cry? i haven?t eaten yet and i know she?s not going to let me get away from her.
TLDR; mum (F50) knowingly triggered my allergies after i asked her not to, she now wants a ?face to face discussion about my behaviour? after i asked my family to stop doing this


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