All Forums >> Love Corner >> Relationship Issues

My [F24] Boyfriend's [24] Class Issues are Throwing a Wedge in the Relationship (by Sparky)

 Sparky (0)  (29 / M-F / Massachusetts)
12-Mar-21 1:45 am
My [F24] Boyfriend's [24] Class Issues are Throwing a Wedge in the Relationship

My bf and I have been together for 1.5 years and what originally drew me to him was how compassionate and sensitive he was. We met in graduate school, at a very prestigious university in the UK but from the beginning I inferred he had some unresolved issues surrounding his class-identity.
At first it was small things, like he had dreams about "chavs" stealing his bike, and has a deep aversion to London because he considers it crime infested and run by gangs. He assumed I was "upper-class" because my parents are academics, and help me with my tuition. I come from a country far poorer than the UK where the concept of "class" is very different and universities are free and public, so I'd say that makes me pretty much middle-class, but anyway.
For context, he is not by any means poor, but he comes from a solidly working-class background and is the first in his family to go to university, let alone graduate school, so he's always felt a bit of an outsider amongst his family and our fellow students. He comes from a small city in the UK and has never lived in London or any really big, metropolitan city. He's worked very hard to be where he is and he did it all on his own, which I applaud, but he seems to think that since he made it to that uni, then everyone can, when that's not the case.
Flashforward to the 3rd lockdown and he had to move back to his hometown while I went back to my country. In the three months that have elapsed I have noticed he has become extremely bitter and mean-spirited towards anyone he considers a "public nuisance."
He will go on rants about "chavs, drunks and junkies" ruining the town, about how "some scum" yelled at him to make way while he was cycling, how a factory worker was rude to a bus driver and other things that to me, coming from a big city, seem fairly common occurrences. He will say things like he hopes these people will die, since they probably are a nuisance to live with, that they are scum and make the town feel unsafe and unfriendly.
I know for a fact the crime rates in his town are really extremely low, but that isn't even the point. He went from being a very compassionate person to someone without an ounce of empathy and it's really bothering me. I have friends who have struggled with substance abuse, one who even lost a family member to drugs and I know that there multiple sides to issues like this. I'm also from a big city and instances like someone being erratic or rude in public don't really phase me and I always try to keep in mind that I don't know the other person's circumstances. He also never considers that maybe the government should invest in healthcare, treatment for addiction and target poverty instead of criminalizing and vilifying a struggling population, making it seem like being poor or addicted is an inherent character flaw.
I have said that I don't like how harsh he has become and he didn't really deny it, just said that he wants the best for his town and he doesn't understand why people just can't be civil to each other (the irony was probably lost on him there).
I don't know what to do. We are finally seeing each other again soon, but his attitude over the past three months has been a real turn-off and even making me question my feelings and our long-term compatibility. Should I try to work this out with him, or will it just become worse as he gets older and possibly even more conservative?

TL;DR My boyfriend is behaving very callously and harshly to anyone he considers a public nuisance (in his words: chavs, drunks, junkies), but he frames his anger in class terms that make me uncomfortable. Should I try to talk it out with him, or is this a lost cause?


Source.

 

 

 
 
Quick reply:

[Smilies]

RULES:
  • Be respectful at all times.
  • Be mature and act like an adult.
  • Respect different points of view.
  • Discuss ideas, not specific users.
  • Don't get personal.
  • No profanity.
  • No drama.
  • No thread hijacking.
  • No trolling.
  • No spamming.
  • No soliciting.
  • No duplicate posting.
  • No posting in the wrong section.
  • No posting of contact information.
  • Be welcoming to new users.
Repeated violations of the above will result in increasing temporary bans from the forum and an eventual permanent ban from the site. Basically, just be friendly and neighborly and all will be well.
Similar threads:
Top
Home
Give us feedback!

Login:

* Username:

* Password:

 Remember me


Forgot?