Me (51F) no longer feeling it with husband (53M) due to different values

I have such a difficult problem. I am probably going to seek a therapist about it but in the meantime here I am.
I am an empty nester with my husband. My daughter is grown (30F) and has her own family. We all live in the same area.
My husband and I were high school sweethearts but I feel like we have grown apart after these decades together. Politics wasn?t as big a deal for us when we were younger. Over the years I have become much more politically conscious and my daughter, starting in her teens, got me more active and interested in the world too. I am proud to have raised a child who has strong morals rooted in compassion.
My husband has become more political too, but he went the other way and became conservative and ?crotchety? over the years. He dislikes Trump?s boorishness but is a Republican. This would be bearable but some of his actual opinions are pretty awful. He doesn?t have an issue with the immigrant children in cages (I showed him pictures of the facilities, etc. which he accepts as true?he is an intelligent man, not a conspiracy theorist or person who writes everything off as ?fake news?. So he knows the children are being kept like this but thinks it?s the deserved consequence of their parents? actions ). He thinks victims of police brutality, including peaceful protesters, deserve it. He has made unpleasant comments about our daughter?s LGBT friends (not to their faces thankfully but he and daughter have fought about it). I am baffled that the kind man I married has turned into this person. I try to push back on his lack of compassion sometimes because it truly dumbfounds me but we are both too stubborn.
We are fortunate enough to be wealthy and it seems my husband?s main interest is to grow and maintain as much of this wealth as possible. I try to encourage him to donate money to charity, something I do frequently, (a value I got from my own parents) but he won?t part with a single cent even for something as apolitical as a dog rescue, which is quite frankly unattractive to me.
We are both Christians but I feel like I try to actually live my values and he doesn?t. So there is that aspect to contend with as well. Charity work with my church is a big part of my life but he never wants to help or contribute. Much of what he believes goes contrary to what I see as Christian values. I suspect he isn?t as religious anymore, which is fine, since my daughter is an atheist and I respect that. But my daughter is ironically a much better Christian than him.
I do not find myself loving my husband as much as I used to. We talk politics frequently. We have cut down on it recently because I told him it was stressing me out but I can?t un-hear what I heard. I know what he believes and what he thinks about people less fortunate than him. And he seems to keep bringing up politics anyway. I guess with quarantine there isn?t as much to talk about and there?s always something new happening in politics.
He has a healthy sex drive but I don?t even want to have sex with him. When he looks at me like that my brain very helpfully supplies an image of him talking about how the kids in cages deserve it because their parents are ?illegals" or something awful like that. His opinions have kind of killed my attraction to him.
Other than that we actually have a decent marriage, I think. We?ve settled into an agreeable pattern over the years since our daughter left for college. We have dinner together, he has his friends and activities and I have mine and it seems okay. He makes me laugh sometimes and I appreciate his skills and the way we work together. He always treats me with respect and does nice little things for me sometimes. But I really see him more as a roommate because of this distance I feel between us. I don?t feel loving or attracted toward him and I guess we are friends but it doesn?t feel like more than that. We could very well have another 30 years to go and the thought of spending it with him does fill me with some dread.
My daughter?s husband shares her values and I see how fulfilling it is to be in a relationship like that. The way they raise their kids with their values and work together is so great and I?m so happy for her that she found him. I kind of am wishing I had that too. If I had to do it over I might prioritize shared values when seeking a partner.
The main problem is that my husband doesn?t see that there are any problems. I guess I?m not very expressive or something but he sees me as his perfectly happy, loving wife. My ?lack? of sex drive doesn?t seem to bother him as he accepts it as an age-related thing. If I wanted to leave him it would totally blindside him and I hate the idea of hurting him. The thought of leaving him is also daunting after 30+ years. But part of me wonders what life could be like if I did.
I know falling into a rut like this is normal after so long and of course people will say ?talk to him about it.? But how do I even bring this up? And what could I hope to gain from such a conversation? He isn?t going to change his opinions nor am I going to stop being appalled by them.
I really don?t know what to do. The thought of divorcing him seems insane considering he?s not abusive nor did he cheat or anything like that. But it really keeps coming back to the fact that I feel disgusted by how he thinks of other people. It?s not even that he wants the best for other people and just has different opinions about how to achieve it, like other people I know. He genuinely doesn?t care about other peoples? well-being or their rights and I really feel repulsed by him knowing that?s how he is. I can?t even say with certainty that he WON?T vote for Trump?not even because he actually likes the man but because he doesn?t want to part with his wealth. I feel like I woke up one day and realized we?ve grown into different people.
Sorry this is so rambling. I would appreciate your thoughts.
TL;DR: Husband and I have grown into having different values. I find his abhorrent and don?t know what to do about it.


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