It is the time of the year someone I loved passed away. To this day, Idk the circumstances of his death.
Even though it was a few years ago, it still bothers me sometimes.
But my reaction & behavior afterwards.. especially towards other people bothers me more. I was angry. I wanted answers. I wanted justice & vengence.

God has forgiven. People who matter have forgiven. But apparently I haven't(completely) forgiven myself.
And the time of year isn't helping...
because i'm remembering it all.
Why is it so difficult to forgive ourselves? It just isn't rational.

@Zilya777: What havent you forgiven yourself for? Your behavior after the death? Not knowing the circumstances of the death and somehow feeling responsible...or, at least couldve done something to prevent it?

@WalkSoftly: My behavior after I received the news he was dead. Angry, etc.

@Zilya777: I had this great post typed out but my phone decided to reboot when I was getting ready to post it and I lost it lol

Basiclally, forgivness just takes time...whether its us forgiving others, others forgiving us, or us forgiving ourselves. Its not a great, prophetic answer....but it is the most correct one. One of the best ways, IMO, to help the process of forgiving ones self, is to learn from that situation and not act out that way again when something similar happens. Again, not another prophetic answer....but again, probably the most correct one. In other words, dont beat yourself up. We ALL make mistakes.....its how we learn from them that brings forgiveness.

@Zilya777: Wish I knew the answer for that. Know kinda what your talking bout. Unanswered question bout my dads death still bother me. I've forgave my sister for few things she did/didn't do at the time. But without telling her how I felt/feel bout them. thing is I've forgive her but until she forgives herself & or which ever way she see it to be. Then she will now know I've forgave her. There's other things that I can't forgive myself for & can't change what happened. Wishing I'd done more, knew how to do more, could have been able too. Idk sorry your feeling bad.

I think the fact that me myself kinda went through the same thing that i knew i coulda did things different and carried shame and guilt. But if you cant let that go itll consume you and thats not what God wants. God has forgiven not cause of who we are but cause of who his son is :)

@amberbh22: :-) Thank you.
Since my problem was being angry at the living (& blaming them, etc.).
Maybe, I never finished ' all the stages of grief ' or stayed in the 'anger phase', too long.
Maybe... If I can 'let go' of that, anger towards the guilty. I can then, 'let go' & forgive myself.
Ugh...:-( " Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord "

@Zilya777: How to forgive onesself... Recognize that you are human. Humans make mistakes. Mistakes help us learn. Learning makes us better humans. All humanity can hope for is to constantly strive towards improving itself.

@ramblinman: Thank you so much for that , " humans make mistakes" & " learning from our mistakes ".. I needed to hear that :-)