1st woman: My husband is an Angel

2nd woman: You're lucky, mine is still alive

A boy comes home from school and proudly announces to his parents " mom , dad " the teacher asked the class a question today and I was the only one who knew the answer
The parents are very happy and says. Thats amazing billy. And what was the question
Sticking out his chest billy says
" who farted ? "

Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't appear to be breathing. His eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911 he gasp , my friend is dead ! What can I do ? The operator says " please calm down. I will help you. First of all lets make sure he's dead. Theres a silence, then a gun shot. The guy gets back on the phone and says " ok now what ? "

Whats the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman






Snowballs

What do you get when you cross a pig with a toad?

A wart hog

What did one snowman say to the other?

Do you smell carrots?

I feed my dog some hush puppies last night & he hasn't barked since

How do you get a good looking blonde to say
" MMMMMMMMMMM "









DUCT TAPE

I went to a club last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table
I said " nice legs "
The girl giggled and said with a smile
" Do you really think so "
I said " Difinitely "
Most tables would have collapsed by now

I was at the bar and this fat chick tried to pick me up and I was like, "Whoa, put me down." -Larry the Cable Guy