Update: I [26 M] will be breaking up with my girlfriend [25 F] of 1.5 years today and I would like some advice on how to focus on myself instead of the pain that is being caused in the short term

Link to original: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationshi...girlfriend_25/
Hello again everyone. It?s been about a month since my ex and I broke up. During the breakup, I had asked her for space and to not reach out and she continued to cross that boundary by texting and calling nearly every day for two weeks. I blocked her about two weeks in since she wouldn't stop and began resorting to some nasty texts. I deleted Snapchat so I would no longer be tempted to see if she was posting anything in our group chat.
I started re-reading the book Coming Apart by Daphne Rose Kingma (this was the 3rd breakup?not the first time I?ve read it lol). It?s a pretty nifty book on how to navigate the end of a relationship. It?s been particularly hard being in the same friend group as her but I?ve isolated myself until this past weekend. She showed up to things when she wasn?t supposed to and made things about her (shocking). I was able to separate myself and some of my friends and family really showed up for me and made me feel safe and loved. Anyways, the book?s exercises on going through the whole story of the relationship are very helpful. I highly recommend them.
I had a run-in with my ex last night that ignited an anger in me that I didn?t know I had..and I guess this is the anger part of the cycle. Her antics are clear. She?s a pretty rotten person, unfortunately, and I?m struggling with both the anger in myself for allowing this to have continued for as long as it did and angry at her for being a **** person who doesn?t have the first idea on how to be introspective or have empathy towards others. She only ever views herself as a victim.
The further away I get from her the more crystal clear her manipulative tactics have become and the more angry I get. She has a playbook she goes by which I?ll share below. She is a BPD narcissist and hilariously (not really, it makes me angry and sad) what you read / watch online is pretty much the basic template. She?s on the outs with a lot of my friends, but the ones she?s tied herself to she?s doing the following: * Being overly kind and performing acts of service to make her seem like she cares * Picking the people in the friend group that are too nice for their own good and using them as passengers to get her ideas through My over/under bet is a month before she reverts back to classic ex and starts talking **** behind their backs and being an ******* to everyone. Thankfully several people in the group understand this and don?t trust her..so I might not have to deal with her forever.
Part of me wishes the best for her. That she?ll finally get the help she needs from a therapist. Actually takes the meds she?s been prescribed instead of taking them for a week and then forgetting about it. That she actually works on being empathetic and viewing other people as good in their own right, rather than as vessels for attention for her. But as I re-read what I?ve said in the past, this is just a projection of my own internal drive of always wanting to be better for myself and others?and there?s been nothing empirically backing that she?d ever do that for herself. It hurts me, but I hope to de-couple my emotion from hers in my own fight against my codependent addiction with her.
On a positive note, I have a date on Thursday with someone I?ve known for a while but am just getting closer with. She?s very grounded. I don?t know where it might go, but I?m moving forward and my ex won?t stop me. I?m finally starting to cling on to my self worth and actually realizing that I?m not a bad person who deserves to be put down. I deserve something good and loving. No one deserves to be put down. I hope people struggling out there with a narcissist can see what I?m going through and realize their story doesn?t stop going because someone else is bullying you. You?re strong, whether you know it or not. You got this. And if you need any help from an anon on the internet, anyone with a heart would have your back.

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tl;dr: It?s been a month since my breakup. It?s going okay and the pain comes in waves. I?m currently more mad than I ever have been. This might be because I've been bottling it up but I?ve been letting myself feel more and more of the pain and moving forward. I?m going on a date this week with someone who is kind. I don?t know that that will go anywhere but any movement forward is good. If anyone out there is struggling with a narcissist just know from other people?s stories and my own that the GRASS IS SO MUCH GREENER. So so much greener. I wish you all the best, and hopefully I can share a better update next time :)


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