After spending two weeks in NYC with my (25M) cousin (27M), I regret everything I've done in my life. I feel horribly depressed with my family situation and my town. I am not sure how to express this to my loved ones because I feel like they hate cities and I would be going against the dogma.

Grew up, born and raised, in a small town in North Carolina. I always kind of thought it was the best way to live, rural small town living, and everybody around me confirmed that belief for me. I got married at 20 and have 2 kids with my wife.
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Everybody here hates cities and urban people, viewing them as brainwashed, sheltered, pampered, hipster bull**** etc . I am sure many other people who grew up in small rural towns know the same thing, that people in those towns tend hate 'urbanites' and everything about them. So when I got the offer to spend two weeks in NYC with my cousin after I got vaccinated, I decided, hey, why not? It coincides perfectly with my wifes sister coming up from Georgia.
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When I went, we stayed in Brooklyn mostly. I fell in love with it, right away. It really shattered pretty much all of my perspectives. I am not going to go into detail, but my perception of cities as just being horrible hipster sheltered millennial bubbles really wasn't true, and I was honestly blown away by the culture there, the kind of urban gritty crude authentic culture, it just made the kind of small talk culture in my town feel so superficial and fake. Idk its kind of hard to describe. But one thing which stood out to me was that almost nobody my age was married or had kids. They had careers and lots of free time. They often still had a load of friends that they socialized with. There was a lot of community socializing, like people hanging out on stoops and just all over the streets, and the people were interesting and 'cool', in a genuine authentic way, not like a forced kind of way. It made me feel horribly lonely back home, realizing how unsocial everybody is in my town. Outside of church, I often can go many many days without socializing with people, and that is just the norm there, unless you want to go to the bar in town and hang out with the drunks.
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When I went back to my town, I felt this horrible wave of depression and anger come over me. It was like my eyes were closed before and now they were open. I had given up my entire life for this idea of some small town family fantasy, way, way too young, and now I won't ever be able to experience what millions of people my age are doing. I look at all of the old people who grew old in this town, the ones who often are the first to rant about how they hate cities, and I used to kind of look up to them and now I feel almost sick to my stomach about how much I hate that I might end up like them.
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I am not really sure how to talk to my family about this. I feel like I lied a lot when coming back, **** talking the city and saying it was bad, because I was a bit afraid of what some people would say if I said I liked the city. Again, people REALLY do not like urbanites and cities here, NYC to these people is considered like a hellpit of evil. I am not even kidding, my uncle asked if a 'feminist' attacked me on the street for being a 'straight white male', as if that is something which randomly happens. Some people here have absolutely baffling views, and I had some of the same views, but not to the extent or craziness that they do. My wife also has much of the same kind of views of cities. I am not sure how to talk to her about this, especially. I would feel almost like a traitor or something.
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What do I do? I feel trapped, I feel horribly depressed, I am not sure what to do. I kind of wish I never went.
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TL;DR - - Went to NYC, fell in love with it, and now I feel horribly depressed at my life and my town in general and am not sure how to express this stuff.


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