[UPDATE] I [30F] still can't decide if I want to end my 12 year relationship with my spouse [45M]

EDIT: getting lots of messages telling me that I?m a piece of ****/horrible woman/selfish etc. Those are all the same thoughts I had about myself and sometimes still do. But that?s not a reason to stay with someone.
original post here
So, I did it. I left him. After really considering what everyone had to say, and talking to my therapist, friends, family, him, an extremely kind person who has spent many many hours listening to me and giving me advice, (even still to this day), and yes, even my crush... I just realized that I couldn't spend any more time questioning things, wondering what else was out there. I had to give myself a chance to have the life I really want.
It's been about 2 months now. We are still living together because we own the home, though I am only sleeping here 3 or so nights per week. We are completely civil with each other. He will be buying me out of the house, for less than I'd get if we sold it, but I don't want to go through the hassle of selling/make him have to uproot his life as well. I'm interviewing for some jobs so I can increase my income and afford to purchase a condo on my own, eventually. There's no time table for when I have to leave, I can take my time since I also own this house. I've been staying in the guest room the nights I am here.
I have also been dating my crush, and honestly it is going so well. He's more than a crush at this point, I feel incredibly guilty saying this but I am happier then I have been in a very very long time. Being with someone my own age is really different, and being with someone who really wants to experience life in the same way that I do is blissful. He is so outgoing and social, and just everything we do together is so much fun. I have done more with him in the past 2 months than I have done in the past 10 years, in all honesty. We have gone to a wine tasting, a beer festival, some town events, a few restaurants, gone on hikes with and without my dog, watched the sunset by the river, many many bars with and without friends, bbqs, birthday parties, gone out shopping, danced together in his living room, had a fire in the backyard while drinking wine, and the list goes on. This weekend we are going out of town to visit one of my friends and her boyfriend - a double date night. He bought us tickets to a concert for one of my favorite bands in November and we are making a weekend of it. We cook together, he cooks for me, I cook for him, we go to the gym together (I had never really gone before but he is really into fitness so he's been training me)... And on top of all of that, the sex is ****ing mind blowing. We want the same things for our futures, and he encourages me that I can make more of myself than what I have so far. We just have such a great time together.
I have also been spending time reconnecting with friends of my own, and it feels amazing to have female friendships again. I literally didn't have that for over a decade. I went out of state one weekend with one friend, and we just talked the whole time about everything you could imagine. We laughed, we cried, we gave each other advice, we shared things with each other. It was just really fulfilling! I can't believe everything I have been missing out on... even just friendships like this. I was so isolated.
I feel like an awful person still for leaving such a long relationship, especially since it took another man to open my eyes to how unhappy I really was. But looking back, I was so unhappy for so long, and I just didn't understand why. And now it's much more clear. My ex is a good person and I still don't know how I feel about the age difference, but I do know that it broke my heart to break his. It really did. I still cry about it sometimes, not because I question my choice... but because I don't. I'm excited to move out, I'm excited to get my own place and focus on my career and myself, the way I should have done years ago... And that really rips me up. Spend 12 years with someone and suddenly you just want to go. He didn't deserve this. It's very difficult for me to be around him because I just feel so terrible, even though he tells me it's ok and he has made his peace with it.
I just thought I'd update. There's still a long road ahead in all of this, but I feel like I'm on the right path. Life is exciting and unpredictable again. For so long, every day was the same, and what I wanted was irrelevant.
TL;DR - I left him. I am incredibly happy, and while I do feel really guilty about that, I am not wavering in my choice. Thanks to everyone who told me to put myself first for a change.


Source.