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UPDATE: My [21F] father [M55] lied about something crucial (at least to me) to his girlfriend [F45 (by Sparky)

 Sparky (0)  (26 / M-F / Massachusetts)
7-Jun-18 4:30 pm
UPDATE: My [21F] father [M55] lied about something crucial (at least to me) to his girlfriend [F45

Original thread:
Thank you all for your messages and support. Thought I owe y'all an update. A pretty predictable one, unfortunately.
He didn’t want to admit it for good ten minutes, but I saw him acting sketchy and getting all worked up. Then I asked to provide ANY piece of evidence the bloody house ever existed - e-mails, contracts, tax filings, a n y t h i n g.
So after a lot of shouting he finally admitted that he made it up. “So what?†(c)
So yeah… it was a drunk lie to impress GF in the beginning of their relationship (which started three years ago), he completely forgot about it, and didn’t expect it to blow up. Well, it did, when they went on vacation. It was exactly the stupid one-lies-lead-to-another thing somebody mentioned in the original post.
I explained to him in great detail exactly why this lie hurts (changing mum’s story, giving the new GF an entirely different picture of our family, etc., etc.), but I didn’t have the impression he even listens. He just kept on saying how much he sacrificed and did, and so on, so forth, that I idealise my mum, that he did spend a lot of money,
— I think that was a crucial point for him. He wanted to make all the money he spent (on I-don't know-what, it was free healthcare) a physical embodiment —
that he felt his support was under appreciated, how hard it was to get back to the dating scene, how insecure he felt and so it goes.
I understand his feelings. Kind of. Sort of. But there was no need to twist my mum’s memory to impress a new GF. He is not gonna tell his girlfriend the truth, though. Me neither (unless she tries again the “oh you-and-your-ungrateful-brother are gonna get your father into grave sooner or later†speech she tried once, but about that I warned him). I am not gonna tell my brother the story either.
I tried the whole “you don’t need to have a summerhouse to be loved, we love you as you are†speech, but he was unimpressed.
I honestly don’t know how to feel about it. I find his lack of self-awareness disturbing. We all make mistakes, but at least have the guts to admit it was one. I also probably could have handled the conversation better.
Anyway thank you all for very good advice you gave me.
TL:DR; the house was a stupid lie, dad went first into denial then anger then whatever.




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