My wife got hit by a car

You can never prepare for a random act of fate. With disease, you know their time is coming. With age, you can count down the years. But there’s nothing that prepares you for a sudden loss of someone so important to you. There’s nothing that prepares you for your loved one getting hit by a car at age 27.
It didn’t feel real when I saw it. I was sitting in the car trying to finish up office work while she ran inside the bank to make a deposit. We parked so close to the building. It was hot and she didn’t want to walk too far. There is no reason this should have happened.
After several minutes, I saw the door on the building open in the corner of my eye. There was my wife, smiling as she exchanged greetings with someone she was holding the door open for. She turned to me and then we locked eyes. Even from a distance her piercing green eyes stood out to me. She started towards the car and stepped onto the parking lot when a car zoomed by.
That… didn’t just happen, right? That car didn’t just hit my wife, right? I saw it all happen but I didn’t believe it. Her body flung in front of the car like a rag doll, hitting the gravel yards in front of it. After a pause of disbelief, I frantically ran out of my car towards her.
She was covered in blood, I couldn’t even tell from where. Her left leg was twisted under her body while her right knee was bent backwards. Both of her arms twisted around each other like two twigs that were broken at various points but not separated. Her neck was twisted unnaturally to the right as her jaw hung open. Those green eyes were no longer piercing, but lifeless and cold.
I had just seen her seconds ago. I saw her full of life. I saw her smiling. This wasn’t my wife. This was a shell. A body. There were no breaths, no heartbeat. Just a bloody, mangled mess. Nothing about this shape made sense. This couldn’t be real.
The woman in the car got out, frantically running to my side. I finally noticed the crowd around me starting to form. And who the hell was screaming? It took me far too long to realize that it was me. I grabbed the driver by the shoulders and started screaming in her face. “TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK!†The driver was sobbing and hysterical. A man I didn’t know pulled me off of her. I didn’t know any of these people. The one person I knew at this scene was now just a body on the ground.
The screaming and sobbing persisted for what felt like days before an ambulance arrived. A man in a police uniform tried to talk to me but it sounded like white noise. An officer got my phone and my brother was contacted.
He took me home and had me clean up. He was going to stay with me at my house. I sat in the shower until I could start to think again. My brain was just filled with the image of the pretzel formerly known as my wife.
I entered my bedroom, the smell of her perfume still fresh in the air. I got dressed, trying to avoid looking at where her clothes were in the closet. I sat on my bed and stared at the tv. It wasn’t on, but I stared at nonetheless. Memories of it on played through my head. I’d never get to watch tv in bed with her again. I’d never get to do anything with her again. I never even got to say goodbye. I exited my bedroom and made my way to the living room to talk to my brother. I needed all the care I could get. As I left the room I stopped in my tracks. The familiar smell of her perfume was stronger than ever.
My wife was standing in the kitchen, preparing dinner. Our eyes met and I once more saw those piercing green eyes full of life. She smiled at me and asked how my day was. Her face showed confusion as I responded with sobbing. I was crazy. I just dealt with the most traumatic experience of my entire life and now I’m imagining my wife right in front of me. I am insane.
She attempted to comfort me as I ignored her. I wasn’t going to feed into the delusion. I’d never be able to grieve if this was happening. I bolted out of the house as she called out to me, asking where I was going and what was wrong.
I don’t know how long I spent walking. I didn’t have any destination, I just kept going. The phone in my pocket began ringing every few seconds. I assumed that if I wasn’t imagining it, it was my brother trying to find me after he witnessed that outburst. I hadn’t seen him in the house when I left my bedroom. I could only assume that that was another delusion.
After some hours of walking, I came across a motel. The woman at the counter seemed disturbed by the condition I was in but I couldn’t really find the motivation to care. After getting my room, I went to the liquor store across the street and spent more money than anyone should on a bunch of cheap vodka. I didn’t even make it to my room before I started drinking. I know it wasn’t the best idea, considering that I was hallucinating without being intoxicated, but I needed to cope.
I finally looked at my phone when I got back to the room. There was several missed calls from my wife and multiple texts from my brother and friends all saying that she was concerned for me. I had created a delusion so specific that it even all came together and made sense. I texted my brother back and told him I can’t deal with her death and I’m insane. He replied asking me if I was on drugs. I turned off my phone and locked the door. I needed to be alone.
After a night of sobbing, pacing, and drinking, I crashed. I woke up to the sound of pounding on my door. My head hurt from all of the vodka during the night prior. It took me several moments to recollect the previous day’s events, and when I did my heart dropped to my stomach. A sadness like no other poured into my body and in that moment I didn’t want to be alive. I got up and answered the door in my underwear, a film of dried vomit covering my chest.
At my doorway were two police officers and my brother, who was tearful. I looked at the faces of the policemen and they seemed somber as well. My brother ran up and hugged me, stuttering as he let the words out.
“Jason.. J-Jason… I don’t know what happened with you and Laura last night. I-I...I don’t know if there was a fight. But Jason.. Laura’s dead. She.. She got hit by a car.â€
“Paul, we went through this yesterday. I know..â€
“Yesterday? Jason, this just happened hours ago! Your phone’s been off and we’ve been trying to contact you. She was going around look for you and she got hit by a car.â€
This wasn’t a delusion. My brain wasn’t making this up. Just hours ago, as I slept, my wife was hit by a car. I asked Paul and he reluctantly told me she was twisted in the same way I had seen the day prior. The day that it didn’t happen. The day that she was still alive. The day that I ran out of the house without saying a word to her. I don’t know how, but I saw it before it happened. I saw what was going to happen to her.
I wasted my last day with my wife.


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