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Boyfriend Admitted I Was A Rebound And He Never Had Feelings For Me (by Sparky)
Boyfriend Admitted I Was A Rebound And He Never Had Feelings For Me
I (23F) just ended a short relationship with a narcissist (26M). We started as FWB 2.5 months ago. Before we first met in person, we acknowledged neither of us was looking for anything too long term or serious. I'm leaving the city for a PhD next fall. He didn't clarify why on his end, but I figured maybe he was too busy with finishing med school and working on his start-up to get invested in anything.
Throughout our FWB, he initiated texting all day every day, sometimes triple texting me and Facetiming me to make sure I got home safe. We had a ton in common research wise and in our witty banter. He kept me in the loop on everything. So many inside jokes and voice note exchanges. He even took me camping when I said I'd never been. He told me multiple times I was "an absolute delight" "so unbelievably smart and sexy" "the best he's ever had" "can't stop thinking about me" "wished we were cuddled up." In my mind, it seemed like he'd fallen harder than he'd anticipated and was making a ton of time for me despite his busy schedule - he'd ask me to spend the entire weekend over at his place and work to finish as much as possible before I got there. He got hair products, so I could braid his hair and watch shows with him. That kind of thing. He even deleted his Tinder infront of me unprompted because he said he didn't need it anymore.
So after 2.5 months of seeing each other exclusively, I start to develop feelings for him. It really hit me when we went kayaking and someone asked if we were married or dating and he laughed and said "we're just friends." I thought back to us holding hands in a tent and falling asleep together, and it just didn't feel that casual. So I asked him a week later if he was interested in seeing where this goes and said I wasn't sure I could continue much longer being physically engaged since I'd started to develop feelings. He replied that we were indeed practically dating and that he "enjoyed his time so much with me." He said he still wasn't sure about long distance or anything too serious quite yet, but what we had was definitely more than a FWB. He then asked me if I would go out with him. I said yes, and he amped up the romance even more over the week. He thanked me for being so open and honest, calling this "extremely attractive and reassuring."
When we met up again, he had set up a massage area for me and was calling me babe. He told me everything was on him for the weekend. We had great sex per usual and cuddled up inside with some food. The next day, I ask if we should continue the conversation about dating in person since it transpired over text. This is where the truth came out.
I'd told him about my past relationships, and he'd hinted at his, but kept it brief and didn't lament, so I'd honestly thought he'd moved on. Holy **** was I wrong.
He starts by saying he got out of an 8 (!) year relationship 8 months ago (3 years long distance). He thought he would marry this girl, but then when he started actually thinking about proposing, realized he wanted a Muslim wife to maintain the household since he wasn't disciplined enough to (had no idea he wanted to become a more conservative Muslim since he was... you know... ****ing me), so he broke up with her. He then told me I was a rebound, and he didn't have feelings for me after I pushed him on what this meant in our context. He said he reacted impulsively over text when he asked me out because he didn't want to lose the distraction I provided from his ex, and maybe the reason he treated me like a girlfriend is because that's all he's known for 8 years. But he did not have feelings for me. He said I proved to him that there were other smart, beautiful women in the world and when he was with me, he wasn't thinking about his ex. He did concede that maybe he knew in the back of his mind he was treating me like a girlfriend, but didn't want to acknowledge it.
I told him the reason I began the discussion via text was to give him time to think free of any biased dispositions on my end. I ask how could he ethically ask me out and game a relationship for a week. He even acknowledged that if I hadn't brought it up again, he wouldn't have said anything. He figured we'd have either broken up organically, because of LDR, or he'd eventually come clean yet again about the type of wife he's looking for. I then told him he was selfish and manipulated me into whatever arrangement would get me to continue having sex with him.
Yes, we said we were FWB, but he wanted a girlfriend experience without any commitment or clear communication. To straight up ask me to be his gf rather than ending things and finding someone else to **** is mind boggling. I packed up my things and left without acknowledging his goodbye or tears. I'm more stunned than hurt, but what a lesson on the downsides of going with the flow. I'm glad I left with my dignity. For now a dating break, but eventually on to better things.
Tl;dr FWB to relationship to realizing I'm just a rebound he was projecting a relationship onto to continue ****ing me and distracting himself from an 8 year relationship ending.
Source.
I (23F) just ended a short relationship with a narcissist (26M). We started as FWB 2.5 months ago. Before we first met in person, we acknowledged neither of us was looking for anything too long term or serious. I'm leaving the city for a PhD next fall. He didn't clarify why on his end, but I figured maybe he was too busy with finishing med school and working on his start-up to get invested in anything.
Throughout our FWB, he initiated texting all day every day, sometimes triple texting me and Facetiming me to make sure I got home safe. We had a ton in common research wise and in our witty banter. He kept me in the loop on everything. So many inside jokes and voice note exchanges. He even took me camping when I said I'd never been. He told me multiple times I was "an absolute delight" "so unbelievably smart and sexy" "the best he's ever had" "can't stop thinking about me" "wished we were cuddled up." In my mind, it seemed like he'd fallen harder than he'd anticipated and was making a ton of time for me despite his busy schedule - he'd ask me to spend the entire weekend over at his place and work to finish as much as possible before I got there. He got hair products, so I could braid his hair and watch shows with him. That kind of thing. He even deleted his Tinder infront of me unprompted because he said he didn't need it anymore.
So after 2.5 months of seeing each other exclusively, I start to develop feelings for him. It really hit me when we went kayaking and someone asked if we were married or dating and he laughed and said "we're just friends." I thought back to us holding hands in a tent and falling asleep together, and it just didn't feel that casual. So I asked him a week later if he was interested in seeing where this goes and said I wasn't sure I could continue much longer being physically engaged since I'd started to develop feelings. He replied that we were indeed practically dating and that he "enjoyed his time so much with me." He said he still wasn't sure about long distance or anything too serious quite yet, but what we had was definitely more than a FWB. He then asked me if I would go out with him. I said yes, and he amped up the romance even more over the week. He thanked me for being so open and honest, calling this "extremely attractive and reassuring."
When we met up again, he had set up a massage area for me and was calling me babe. He told me everything was on him for the weekend. We had great sex per usual and cuddled up inside with some food. The next day, I ask if we should continue the conversation about dating in person since it transpired over text. This is where the truth came out.
I'd told him about my past relationships, and he'd hinted at his, but kept it brief and didn't lament, so I'd honestly thought he'd moved on. Holy **** was I wrong.
He starts by saying he got out of an 8 (!) year relationship 8 months ago (3 years long distance). He thought he would marry this girl, but then when he started actually thinking about proposing, realized he wanted a Muslim wife to maintain the household since he wasn't disciplined enough to (had no idea he wanted to become a more conservative Muslim since he was... you know... ****ing me), so he broke up with her. He then told me I was a rebound, and he didn't have feelings for me after I pushed him on what this meant in our context. He said he reacted impulsively over text when he asked me out because he didn't want to lose the distraction I provided from his ex, and maybe the reason he treated me like a girlfriend is because that's all he's known for 8 years. But he did not have feelings for me. He said I proved to him that there were other smart, beautiful women in the world and when he was with me, he wasn't thinking about his ex. He did concede that maybe he knew in the back of his mind he was treating me like a girlfriend, but didn't want to acknowledge it.
I told him the reason I began the discussion via text was to give him time to think free of any biased dispositions on my end. I ask how could he ethically ask me out and game a relationship for a week. He even acknowledged that if I hadn't brought it up again, he wouldn't have said anything. He figured we'd have either broken up organically, because of LDR, or he'd eventually come clean yet again about the type of wife he's looking for. I then told him he was selfish and manipulated me into whatever arrangement would get me to continue having sex with him.
Yes, we said we were FWB, but he wanted a girlfriend experience without any commitment or clear communication. To straight up ask me to be his gf rather than ending things and finding someone else to **** is mind boggling. I packed up my things and left without acknowledging his goodbye or tears. I'm more stunned than hurt, but what a lesson on the downsides of going with the flow. I'm glad I left with my dignity. For now a dating break, but eventually on to better things.
Tl;dr FWB to relationship to realizing I'm just a rebound he was projecting a relationship onto to continue ****ing me and distracting himself from an 8 year relationship ending.
Source.
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