I Introduced My Girlfriend To My Parents

I stood near the park as I waited for my girlfriend to arrive. I was a bit nervous, but also excited. I was going to introduce her to my parents and was just hoping that everything would go according to plan. She arrived late, as usual. I was a bit annoyed, but then she put on her winsome smile and told me how sorry she was and I forgave her. She had a way of getting me to look past her flaws. I suppose that?s how we got to where we are now. We got in her car and drove to my parental home.
When meeting my parents for the first time Anna, my girlfriend, was charm itself. She was polite, courteous, complimented the wall paper and my dad?s cooking, the whole 9 yards. My dad went out pof his way to make Anna comfortable. My mom, however was another story. She was cold to Anna from the second she set foot in their home. It was as if she had taken one look at my girlfriend and decided she was not going to like her, no matter what.
While dinner was uncomfortable, it was but a glimpse of the awkwardness that would engulf the post dinner conversation. As we all sat in the living room, sipping wine, my parents inquired about Anna?s life. My dad seemed like he did so out of genuine curiosity, my mom seemed like she just wanted affirmation that Anna will never be good enough for her little girl.
Dad began by asking Anna what she does. ?I?m a Youtuber. I make videos on funny or unusual things I see on the internet?. My mom asked ?So you don?t have a real job! Why is that?? Anna while trying not to get ******, replied ?Well it is a real job. I?m self employed. And I?ll have you know I have over 3 million subscribers?.
?Ooh 3 million subscribers! Bringing out the big guns now, are we?? My mother shot back.
Anna was about to say something else, when my dad suggested we play a board game. We settled on 500 Questions. It was mom?s favorite and incidentally, Anna?s too.
Before we began, Anna asked me to step into the hallway with her. She told me she was getting uncomfortable as she didn?t feel welcome. I reassured her that everything was fine and that my mom was a bit difficult and she would come around soon. Besides, my dad liked her. This convinced her to stay.
As the game progressed it became obvious that the competition was between my mom and my girlfriend. Anna wanted to prove that my mom was wrong about her. And mom wanted to shame the ?evil witch? who had come to take her daughter away. At one point when Anna drew the card and mom answered incorrectly, she accused Anna of bringing bad luck. Anna?s patience was wearing thin. Things reached a breaking point when Anna gave a wrong answer and my mom commented ?Well what else can you expect from a ?youtuber??? Complete with air quotes.
Anna was on her feet and announced that we were leaving. My dad told her she couldn?t. His sweet demeanor was replaced with a cold look. Anna was caught off guard. She was even more surprised when I grabbed her by the arm and forced her to sit down and told her in no uncertain terms that we weren?t going anywhere. She was going to stay right there. Anna looked spooked. I put the dice in her hands and asked her, no, told her to roll.
She rolled while giving me an incredulous look. She had never seen me like this. It was funny.
The atmosphere had changed dramatically. Anna obviously sensed that something was very wrong. She played on nervously. Finally, Anna rolled the dice and my mom picked her card and asked the question. Anna answered correctly and won.
Mom looked at her with all the hate and disgust she could muster and said ?You?ve ruined my night. ARE YOU PROUD OF YOURSELF??? Anna wore an expression that combined both terror and confusion. She realized that this is what she had to look forward to if we were going to be together.
My mom continued ?This attitude of yours is going to change if you?re going to be with my daughter. You two will be moving in with us soon. You?re going to stay with us so I can teach you how to be more respectful.? Then she looked at me and asked ?Isn?t that right, Cheryl?? I nodded in agreement. I told Anna that she and I could be together only if she agreed to live with my parents so that they may teach us the ways of a healthy and loving relationship.
Anna had had enough. She jumped up, pushed me aside and ran for the door. She got into her car and drove off without looking back. About an hour later, I got a text from her telling me she never wants to see me or my ?crazy ass family? ever again. That she would send me whatever stuff I had left at her place so I wouldn?t have to come get them.
?Mission accomplished!? I said to my mom. My dad burst out laughing, as did I, as did mom. You see, my ex girlfriend is a controlling narcissist. Throughout our relationship, she had been the one to make all the decisions, to tell me what to do, how to dress, who to be friends with etc etc etc. For the first few months, I allowed it. I was just so taken with her. Her beauty, her charm, her sexual prowess that I was willing to ignore all red flags. Plus, she was a master manipulator who could turn on the charm and make me ignore all of her own imperfections.
What finally woke me up was when she tried to drive a wedge between me and my best friend, who had always been like a brother to me. She told me I wasn?t allowed to be alone with him, because I was probably ****ing him. I confided in my mom about this and she made me realize just how messed up this whole relationship was.
So my parents and I hatched a plot to show her that we could be crazier than she could ever hope to be. I know I could have just broken up with her and gotten a restraining order if she started trouble. But it was a lot more fun to just scare her into leaving me. Not to mention, much more satisfying. Sometimes, it?s better to just out-crazy the crazy.


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