Thread: Update: I (26F) made a friend on (30F) on a friendship app. She is very needy and I don't what to do

Update: I (26F) made a friend on (30F) on a friendship app. She is very needy and I don't what to do (by Sparky)

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(29 / M-F / Massachusetts)
19-Aug-19 11:20 am

Update: I (26F) made a friend on (30F) on a friendship app. She is very needy and I don't what to do now.

Original post is here
TL;DR: A needy friend blew up at me because I didn't WhatsApp her for a week.
I took the advice of Folks and I spoke to this girl, letting her know that I'm not in a position to reply to her x times a week or to be making regular plans to meet up. I'm going through a lot and I don't always feel like being on my phone, or meeting up, etc.
She seemed surprisingly understanding, and asked if we could still talk/ be friends. That I can respond to her messages when I want to, and that maybe in a months time I'll feel better and be ready to meet up with her (*rolls eyes*).
So fine, if you really want to keep talking then of course. Time goes on. She messages me every day, I reply within a couple of days. She keeps trying to make birthday plans - plans that involve me driving hours with her for a day out - but I don't commit.
Honestly, I haven't felt like putting in the effort over the last week. I've been busy and tired, and I haven't responded to her last message. Here's what she sent me today:

I thought we were going to still talk, not talking for over a week is not us still talking!
I have been very understanding concidering we have only met once and you cancelled on me twice!
Needing time as I know you are going through a hard time is one thing but completely not being a friend to me when you are going through a difficult time is something totally different!
If 1. I don't see you around the time our birthday's 2. if you after my birthday you are going to keep going quiet 3. You are not going to talk to me before my birthday at least a couple of times a week, then I will realise that we aren't going to move forward or be friends.

I blocked her. This doesn't make me feel good, but I don't have the energy.
Edit: I HAVE ONE FINAL UPDATE.
I unblocked her to say this, thought that if I could be honest with her she may treat people differently in the future. This is ongoing for her.

ME: Hello
The thing is that's not how friendships work
You can be a friend from a distance, and you can be a friend without talking for one week. You need to respect other people and not jump to demands when the "friendship" isn't fitting your requirements.
That's not friendship, there's no empathy or understanding there.
This is aside from the fact that you don't know what might have been going on with me over the last week. I could have been unwell or grieving - what kind of a friend sends messages like those that you just sent me?
Just value and respect people for where they are in their lives. Give flexibility and understanding. Not everyone's a **** person because they can't give you what you want at a given time. Goodbye and best of luck.
HER: So your not interested in being in my friend because I don't want to not speak for over a week. No a friend talks regularly despite their problems.
I had problems and I have still spoken to you and I have been very patient and respectful by waiting such a long time but I'm not prepared to wait forever and if you won't talk to me at least twice a week meet me for my birthday and meet up regularly after that then that's not a friend.
I have been a friend to you and I have understood and been patient your having a hard time but I can't have a friendship based on me waiting for you to be a friend especially as we have met once and since then I have been waiting for you to be a friend.
If I wasn't being patient understanding and respectful I wouldn't have given you any time as I have only seen you once but as I have been patient, understanding and respectful I have waited!
ME: You just don't understand what I've said to you, it's a shame. The friendships I have that have lasted years have been reciprocally respectful, we can go weeks without chatting and when we do it's like nothing's changed. That's what you do... you're friends with people because you value them
You may be able to find people who want the same things that you do, but it's not me
HER: That's not friendship
I haven't disappeared or gone quiet regardless of me having bad times!
All I have said is I won't wait forever for you to be a friend and now you are saying I'm not patient no one would be more patient!
ME: ? Ok, thanks for letting me know
Look I'm not in primary school, I'm not interested in arguing over it
HER: I'm not arguing not regularly talking especially after meeting once is not a friend
I have had hard times but not gone quiet
Me saying there's a time limit on waiting for you to be a friend is not being impatient or disrespectful
You decided you can't be bothered to talk at least a couple of times a week and just want me to wait. There has to be a period of time when it comes to if you still not being a friend you never will be
Your reaction shows me you don't want to put anything in to a friendship, which is not a friendship

Then I decided there was no point in responding and I went to sleep. I'm quite certain she's blocked me now.
This woman is 30 years old.

Source.

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