My (29) husband (29)with anxiety is ruining our marriage

TL:DR at the bottom, sorry it just got so long.
My husband (29) and myself (29) have been married for almost 6 years. I’ve been a very patient wife. The last few years have just continued to worsen his social anxiety. He has a lot of trouble leaving the house aside from work. His work is exactly 1.2 miles from home. He is on medication.
I work about 10 miles from home. I often get caught in traffic or have days I am running late from work (I’m a nurse). I can’t help being late most days - I have patients. I do everything I can to leave on time most days, it’s just the occasional day I’m late. And then I get the silent treatment when I’m home.
My life outside of work has to be so routine to avoid him having anxiety. Even sometimes he just has it anyway. I get home after a 10 hr shift, immediately make dinner, take care of the pets, do some house chores, and we have to be in bed by 9. No reason - he just wants to be in bed by 9.
Recently I went out to dinner with some family members after work and came home around 9:30. I had communicated for days prior that I would be at dinner and home around 9. He was mad that I came home so late, I interrupted his sleep and made so much noise.
I very rarely do anything outside of things that are necessary for the house/life. Like the grocery, pet store, Home Depot, doctor. I very rarely meet up with friends or family. I know I’ve pushed many friends away after declining so often. My family visits are always limited to two hours and my husband usually does not join.
I make him sound terrible but I promise he’s not all that bad. He can be a truly caring person - but things need to be on his terms.
Today brings me to this post as I sit in the airport. I have been planning a trip with my mom for over a year. Four days. That’s all I’m going to be gone. For weeks he’s been saying he’s cool with me going. I know he isn’t. Then today he told me that I’m being selfish leaving him to care for the house and pets. We have two cats and a dog. It’s not a lot but I am “abandoning him and the family.†I feel everyone deserves a vacation. Including him if he wanted it! His mom agreed to stay at the house if that would make him feel better not being alone. This weekend he was totally fine, joking, we went to dinner, went to bed late. And starting Sunday he’s been silent. He barely said goodbye to me today. I had to force an I love you before he left for work. He has not made eye contact in days.
I’m at the end of my rope. But I do feel selfish for complaining when I know he is trying to work on his anxiety. But I am living my life to try and prevent HIS anxiety. I have anxiety about his anxiety. He is so hot and cold.
He went to a therapist twice back in May. He listens to podcasts about anxiety. But I feel like this is deeper and it’s ruining me as a person. I haven’t been out of town in more than 3 years - I went to a conference for work. It was a similar fight.
Sorry this is so long. I just started writing and couldn’t stop.
TL:DR My husbands anxiety is giving me anxiety. I cannot have a life outside of my home/work without him being anxious and starting a fight.
EDIT wow - I’m overwhelmed at he advice being given and I am truly grateful for every response. Every single person is hitting the nail on the head.
I just went to check out “pet cams†from my phone and he disconnected while I’m out of town. I’m sure as some sort of punishment for being away.
I have a lot of reevaluating to do. I’ll be damned if this ruins a trip I’ve been looking forward to for so long.


Source.